two down

The Traveller is travelling again & with all his family responsibilities (two sons, a sick mother and suicidal sister) I'm punting on this not being a good time for him.

Mr Enthusiastic told me on Saturday night he wasn't in a good place either. Which was fine with me..I like him as a friend, in fact he is a friend, a great one, but nothing more.

Which leaves Mystery Man. But he's only what he is, a friend, a buddy, an occasional dirty stop-over and excellent dinner companion.

So I read some astro stuff...all about Pluto in Capricorn and how it's affecting Gemini's. It said either I had great soul affecting sex or I went celibate. Either or. The best or nothing. I kind of agree. I realise my desire is very stop start. It could be based on my monthly cycle but it's probably a combination of increased chemicals each month and an actual desire for that person.... and vice versa.

Desire is inconsistent. Some things take precedent, paying bills, talking to friends, ...I don't have time to think or make it happen. It's just not important right now. This might change in a few weeks when the cycle begins again.

Right now a good bottle of champagne, a good night's sleep and a long hot shower are my current pleasures. Just remembered I have some prosciutto in the fridge...how I love that salty meat.. Here's a theme, food as a substitute..!

Which One ?

I like Mystery Man, I like The Traveller and to add to the list I like Mr Enthusiastic.

Introducing....Mr Enthusiastic. He's part of my group of Perth friends. In Sydney I have groups of friends who originate from different parts of Australia, there's the Barossa chicks (outrageously filthy language, great knowledge of wines) a couple of strays from Brisbane and the Gold Coast, my Sydney friends & the Perthies, from Western Australia

My Perth friends are wonderful (hello you lot!) and enjoying hosting mad afternoons of painting, tennis or BBQ's. Mr Enthusiastic is a new recruit to the Sydney-Perth posse.

He's just refreshingly honest, he blurts out stuff that Sydney boys wouldn't... he talks about the rough politics of his family, his ups and downs and that he sees a therapist. We went for a local dinner.

In the bottle shop he said. "I'm going to buy my own wine, I need a West Australian red"

I wanted a Pinot Noir, my newest favourite, to go with the lamb. Strangely this suited me. I could have my wine & he could have his.

We arrived at the restaurant with two bottles & they both sat in front of us. There was something naughty but comforting about buying a bottle each.

Mr E had a girlfriend for 11 years. She did everything for him, cooked, cleaned, drove him around. That's why he has appalling house cleaning skills. No guessing they were both miserable near the end of the relationship.

I asked "If you were hassled a bit more, asked to make a decision, marry her or not, would that be helpful, well, not helpful, but it should be said to you. I think people in relationships need a bit of prodding now and then, all this drifting, and no one's allowed to tease you in that concerned friend or family way. "

"I should have let her go" he said.

He's honest, he talks and regrets immediately what he says while laughing. There's a social klutz personality to him which is endearing. And he's just enthusiastic.

He walked me to the bus stop, we hugged casually, and said good night. I'll see him this week for lunch.

No. 2 The Traveller. He's away at the moment. He finally worked out the status update thing on Facebook. It's like having a Private Detective on him ! But let me go back to the event, Pangea Day.

I arrived when the movies started. The large room had two screens & about 30 people watching each. Marilyn was already there. One of the hosts came and said hello. " I'm a friend of The Traveller's" "He's over there near the other screen" said the host. I could see the back of his head.

For the next 3 hours I sat with Marilyn. We moved around and talked to people, but The Traveller never came over to speak to me, never said hello. I was frozen with embarrassment. All my social gumption was gone. I had made the decision to invite myself & regretted it.

Near the end (after a few of those champagnes that got me into trouble later on) I stopped him walking by and said hello.

"Oh, you are here."

"I've been here since the beginning"

"I was looking for you in a dress." (strange answer, but I realised I wore a dress the last two times we met)

"How are you ? Did you do anything for Mother's Day?" I asked

"My mum's in hospital. A lot's going on. My sister tried to commit suicide, I found her. Probably drove about 3,000 kms going back and forward to see her. Every one's asking how I'm coping"

"You're in a doing phase, no time to think, you're just in action mode."

"Yes, exactly" his face looked reflective. "I've got the kids now, they keep me grounded" he said with genuine happiness. He spoke about the new nanny for the kids.

"The ex is in the marital home, I have the apartment. She's a bit loopy. " He stuck out his tongue and pulled a face. We both laughed.

"I hear you go to Bodega." I said "I go there sometimes after work, about 9pm, sit at the bar and have a meal. " he replied.

"We should catch up for coffee". He seemed to say that genuinely.

We had a bit more general chat & that was it.

My thoughts (and I'd love yours!) He's got a bit going on in his life ! Mother, Sister, ex wife, kids, nanny and work. I'm going to let him sort out his life for a bit. However, after Polly's words to me last week (don't put conditions on your needs) I'm not cutting him out of my thoughts, but I know that pushing or wanting something to happen is probably not good for me right now. I'll place my feelings in a snap freezer. On hold but ready for instant defrost!

Mystery Man is the great friend. We've got this on/ off time together worked out. I might not see him for a few weeks and then we'll have a big night. Other times he travels for a month. There is an easy understanding. I'm available for catching up, but we can equally have quite separate lives in between.

Two conversations

Tonight is dinner with Mystery Man. He came by on Saturday night when I hosted an old friends catch-up. We were on the 6th bottle of wine or something, sitting on the balcony, covered in blankets (it was about 14deg). He asked why the outdoor heater wasn't on. Something logical in the face of our drunken stupor.

Later he talked to me about the drink driving issue. His mother was injured by a drunk driver and he told me the injuries. Of course I would never intend to hurt anyone, it would be mortifying, but that's what drink driving means, to be that drunk person who injures.

The police experience was like a glimpse at what it could be like, although the next time I could be arrested and charged. A police record does affect many parts of your life. Later this year I could be applying for a new type of business license which involves a police check. I want to know there is nothing to hide and that I'm a responsible citizen.

So rather than thinking 'I'll make it home' its a clear thought... 'The car is staying, definitely can't drive and I'll take a bus or taxi'.

The second conversation was with Polly. She's moved in with her boyfriend this week. It's all been quick but worthy. In fact not hesitating was the key. Just jump.

We were doing our usual chat, what life is doing for us right now, where's our direction - our work. We're both sole operators & it's the self motivation and determination that we encourage each other with, except this time she stopped me.

"Cat, can I speak straight to you? "

"Of course" I trust Polly's skills at saying those hard things in a gentle manner.

"I can hear the resignation in your voice. The acceptance of what is currently and what can only be. For instance, you have already accepted that things will take longer so you'll just be patience, like I'll not allowed to have that achievement right now, or want that goal, because there must be something else I need to learn before I'm allowed to have that."

Polly's boyfriend, said to her, "I always want a relationship, I never stopped looking or trying. I never gave up". Where as we would say to each other...maybe this is not my time, I should put my effort elsewhere, it's not meant to be.

That's the acceptance stuff.

"What do you really want ? " She said. "Ask for it, admit it, expect it."

Later that day I stood on the balcony, looking at the full moon & I clearly said to myself. " I want to get married." Not, I want a boyfriend or relationship...because I want more, I want the ultimate relationship, a marriage.

As I said that phrase, louder and louder in me, I felt relieved. The night sparkled a little more and it felt right. I do want to get married. I do.

Mystery Man

I've neglected to let you lot know of an on-going liaison. He's my Mystery Man. Who calls on the moment for drinks or dinner. We talk for hours, drink for hours and then I collapse at his place. Usually after dancing on his couch (it's an ongoing habit I have) or in his car (if you slide down enough you can get your legs through the sun roof, like a synchronised swimmer)

Haven't mentioned him before as it is what it is... a sporadic night out with someone fun and interesting. Sometimes he tries to kiss me & sometimes I do. Sometimes we just fall asleep. He's a playmate..a good male friend and you can try things out on him.

We went out dancing to a retro club. He can salsa dance & I like silly dancing...the kind where you mock-imitate a serious dancer or overstress the dramatics of the song. Can you tell I grew up in the new romantic 80's and hung out in Gay/ Drag Queen clubs ?

My dance persona for the night was 'I tease, but you can't touch..maybe sometimes'. I would shimmy up to him, then push him away. Then dance up to him, drag my hands down his chest, then turn and dance away. I can't keep a serious face so would just burst out laughing.

After 3 hours of this dancing and a few beers we were exhausted. Mystery Man has the best bedroom set up, in terms of sleeping. He's super fussy about noise and light as well as quality of sheets and pillows. It's an invitation for a proper sleep when I go there.

The only problem, and the reason why Mystery Man and I are not fully compatible, is our sleeping patterns. He's a Vampire and I'm a Koala. He sleeps until earliest 11am and goes to bed between 1-3am. I like to get up early, have a nap in the afternoon and then get another 9 hours sleep. Koala's like to sleep, especially after eating gum leaves, it's like dope for them and they are always drowsy. So I'm a Koala. Not doped up but always sleepy.

But that morning I was frisky. Too long between drinks! Had to plan the timing. Firstly I had to sleep-in then get up, have some food and go back to bed. Had to co-ordinate the moment we would be both awake and ready.

After our frisky session I realised we were both sober. Too often things happen last on a big night & the quality of friskiness is diminished. Sober is good. Sober and in the early afternoon.

How normal do you feel after a good romp ? A little bit more alive, a little bit calmer, and a whole lot more connected. No longer just a head with thoughts, your body is back in the mix.

Probably what I like about my Mystery Man is there is no emotional complication. There is no certainty either but I do certainly like a good frisky session with him, both on the dance floor and in his Vampire's lair.