It's my life firstly

He was delayed a day. Going via another city for work & arrived back on Friday. He texted me that morning. Without any certainty from him, I carried on regardless. No use pinning or expecting. The best way is to carry on with life. Luckily I'm a very busy and important person!

Friday was a wine lunch with clients. It turned into a long afternoon of wine tasting and I had to back up, get dressed again, brush my teeth and get to Skye's 40th Birthday at one of the newest, classiest places in Sydney.

Saturday was dinner at Edith's, then Sunday was lunch at Sandra's...just a typical weekend in my social life! He was glad to hear I was busy.

To be realistic. He has kids, I expected him to want to spend time with them. He's also travelled for three weeks & would want to just relax and catch up with his friends. The best tactic is to be busy...carry on regardless....and did I carry on.

The wine lunch was hilarious. I thought it was just a few wines to try. Turned out to be the official media announcement of the top 28 wines of the year. And they were all on the table to taste...every single bottle. Four hours later we headed up to the top bar for more. I had to extract myself from further invites to get ready for Skye's birthday.

You know when you're pre-menstral and your boobs are puffy and huge? plus you find all the right dresses to wear to show them off. Apparantely it's a biological thing to flash the flesh. Show the plunge and enjoy the wandering male eye. That was me. In the black dress with the plunge.

Skye was looking amazing. She has the best hair. Blonde, strong and flicks so beautifully.

It was a night of fab female love. The type where you adore your friends and let rip with screams and hugs and good times. It helped we got 'special' entry to the latest club in Sydney, the Ivy. It's hot, it's divine and we all went bonkers dancing and drinking champagne.

Oh, and then I did my special dancing tricks. I danced with someone's blackberry down my cleavage & then asked him to call it...
and found a table to do my other special dancing on....the picture shows my fans.

Don't ever worry about turning 40. There is heaps of fun to be had.

(hey, don't worry. I helped all my friends get home. Went via their homes to help them in the door and Louise collasped on my couch. All good clean fun)

a breather

So focused on all the things happening that I've not even thought

about my love life for weeks. It's such a relief! This is not a 'no mojo' situation, nor a 'I'm discovering the real me' moment, but just not interested. Especially in the effort department. Happy to talk and flirt but I'm not looking any outcomes.

Friday I was working in the city at my Dad's office. He needs help attaching photos to his emails, that sort of thing. We also argue and laugh a lot. But the effect the city had on me was interesing. I love it's energy, people rushing around, carrying phones and coffee's, women in high heels clacking away & me just soaking it all in.

Being in an office was fun (I'm not mad! ) it was clean & organised & so was the bathroom and kitchen. I am so sick of the shop's mess, it's really disturbing my head.

Anyhoo, meet all sorts of friends at the Opera Bar. It's perched to the side of the Opera House on the harbour. Kind of the best place you could be in Sydney on a Friday night.

I went spastic with the wine and cigarettes, I hassled Skye's boyfriend to behave better & Holly and I were the last in the bar...they were packing the chairs around us. I was so drunk I forgot I had vomited. The bathroom gave the evident away.

Back to being a trash bag. I cleaned the house all weekend, does that count towards redemption?

updates

Friday (yesterday) was a public holiday as Sydney is hosting a political conference, APEC. So much for lying around relaxing. Louise has just moved & needed her TV & Internet hooked up. I'm the tech friend, the one who knows how to put plugs back together. Darling Louise was divorced last year & has her two girls to support on a teacher's salary. I walked into her flat & she was in tears. The enormity of her decision and current life had hit her, as often does when you finally stop after much change. She's the strongest most kind hearted friend, always makes me laugh & has feed me many times over the years.

It took a few hours to hook everything up. We talked about everything, naturally, while having cups of tea, deciding where things should go & wondering why we have so many things. My joy came from helping her & having a good laugh at our lives. Neither of us can understand how we got here. She, living in a 2 bed flat with sprayed concrete ceilings & her two girls, me, stubbornly single, living with my brother & his fiancee.

Then I drove around dropping off clothes and visiting suppliers. 4pm. I took Skye to the airport. After umpteen years she's off around the world after being retrenched recently. It's one of those serendipitous moments. She wanted to leave and travel & suddenly the company closed & she got a pay-out.

Taking someone to the airport always opens up your own travel thoughts. I have no interest in travel as I have so much to do here. There's a new job on the horizon, things to sort at the shop & well, boy stuff to ponder over. Tonight I was scheduled to see Voice Man.

I rang Polly & dropped into hers for a quick catch-up at 6pm. Tiredness suddenly overcame me & then I could smell myself ! I'm minding Marilyn's house & haven't brought enough perfume & was a day late in washing my hair. I felt yuck.

Voice Man was working on a project, despite the public holiday & I just couldn't meet him in my smelly, tired state. I called and cancelled. So we've rain-checked for Tuesday instead....it's like that book, Tuesday's with Morrie... this time it's Tuesdays with Voice Man.

& I proceeded to plow through a bottle of wine and half a pack of ciggies. Two single girls having dinner ! After mobile phone, blogging and tech discussions, we talked relationships & astrology...that chick is so knowledgeable & has the same diverse interest. Technical & spiritual, along with a healthy interest in wine.

Like any half-pissed chicks talking about relationships, I asked her if she had any tarot cards...boy, did she! she collects them ! She did a reading for me & I did one for her (I don't have any skills, I just went with my gut). What did the reading say? all the good stuff... relationships, work, my strengths, but also a focus on 'Integrity'. It's been my word of the week. I realised to have a relationship based on integrity I have to be that myself. To be this is about authenticity, standing up for myself, feeling the pull from the gut about what I want to do & say and who to be with. So half of it is my journey & happy to do so. A goal worth pursuing.

A shift has also occurred with my thoughts on Voice Man. The urgency is gone. That unrealistic pressure you put on yourself about what it all means, and what's happening. It's a relief & I just want to get on with him....to be realistic about who he is, and vice versa.

Silliness

Silliness is important. You have to jump around, sing badly - but happily, clap out of time & feel exhausted from dancing at the end of the night. I did that twice on the weekend. The first night was expected. Skye, Amanda & I went to an 80's concert at the local workers club. As you can see from the image, they have bad carpet & cheap drinks. Three die-hards were determined to be up the front...thanks, but they're not us.

The line up was Uncanny X-men, The Models, Machinations, Shantoozies & Kids in the Kitchen. All local Australian bands who were 'big in the 80's'. The cost? $20. bargain.

Saturday night was a French film called "I Do'' with Marilyn and Mand. Highly recommended. Afterwards it was time to de-brief our week at the local pub. Bottles of champagne and chips were ordered and the pub was full of various spunks all alternating between watching the Rugby (Aust vs South Africa) and each other (this includes myself)

Mand had lent me 'The Game' by Neill Strauss, about the world of pick-up artists. It took two days to read & I fascinated by the method of picking up in bars. In summary you ask a group or person (who you want to talk to) an opinion question...to settle an argument & then go back to your friends. The idea is you started talking but didn't hang around. Inevitably they will want to talk more, find out the response, etc & then you are all talking.

Edith had arrived by now & in her refreshingly straightforward way, suggested the question to be whether a guy would be freaked out to find his girlfriend was bi-sexual. Interesting, suggestive and controversial.

We stopped one bloke as he walked past, excuse me, we said, we'd like a man's opinion on something...The question was asked (we tried not to burst with laughter) He pursed his lips, said something about how he's from the country & didn't know how to answer. His friends looked at him & started advancing on our table. We soon had all three of them talking to us.

Once the dynamics of the room shifted, it was like a kaleidoscope effect. Everyone started talking to each other. We felt empowered to talk to different groups, in fact people wanted it that way. I was talking to a divine guy from NY, Reid, he had such seductive eyes. Using the 'how old are you really' routine, I asked to see his drivers license. Luckily Edith was there to help me read it, my eyes were a bit wobbly by now. 1976? that made him 31, almost (a libran too)..if only he lived in Sydney, such a nice looking boy. The nine year age difference is still a touchy point with me, but I am learning to let that issue go. Just not interested in flings.

Suddenly closing time arrived & Edith luckily drove me home...I was a little too wound up doing so much social dynamics. It was 3am.

A successful weekend? I've learnt to pick-up, talk to boys, be demanding & still go home intact. There's another 40th this weekend...more games to play? MrBV will be there & TCPP. At one point our social dynamics will form into some kind of relationship; hopefully. I think I'm giving myself the best chance to meet someone, not be shy & not just talk to the chatty dags.