2009

Suddenly it' s another year & I'm back to update this forgotten blog. Sorry blog, I did need some time away.

Five days after my last post in September, Mum died. The pain and upset is tempered greatly by her peaceful death, and all the love we gave each other during that time. Being so prepared helped. We refused all sorts of add-ons from the Funeral Directors, like bad flowers and overpriced condolence books to make our own choices. We felt so much better doing it 'Suzy's way' as we described mum's way of being quietly stylish.

I won't go on about that time. Suffice to say I am altered in my vision of life. It's that bloody gift of experience you get when a parent dies. I miss her greatly, but also understand what we got in return like the rediscovered simpleness of family, love, the pleasure of my silly dog, my lovely, lovely friends and how supportive they are.

We all immersed ourselves in work after Mum died. For three months we'd concentrated on her and ignored our businesses and lives. For us as retailers we had three months until Christmas, our biggest part of the year. Sales were all over the place. One week high, the next low...it was crazy, stressful..but the end goal was Dec 31st, only then would we know if we were successful and despite the Global credit crunch, spending for Xmas didn't go away, it was just delayed until Kevin (our PM) gave away 10 Billion for people to spend ..."Spend for Australia" was our motto too.

Drinking and smoking is still a constant. I'm trying...but that glass of wine after work is too tempting.

On New Year's Day I took a few days off to spend away from Sydney. Killcare one night & Avoca Beach the next. Just three days away & felt so relaxed...I think the more you don't need a holiday the more you do... I was hesitating, thinking I could just stay at home. So glad I went. There is nothing like swimming at sunset on Jan 1st in flat glassy water.

All through out Mum's illness and later, Mr Enthusiastic was there. We even got to calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I was definitely in a sheltering at home mood, not a hermit, but I couldn't take crowds or random events. My social needs were fairly specific. Generally I'm up for anything..but I found a strong lack of interest in the spontaneous or casual gatherings.

It was only last Sunday that we called if off... for one very good reason. There was no sex. I just couldn't go there & he never initiated. I was feeling off after Mum died, but truthfully, I didn't have a strong desire for him physically..it was all mental and comforting. I did need that type of relationship for a while but not forever. We are human after all.

I am relieved that it's over, both 2008 and Mr Enthusiastic. It was shortly after I put the phone down from the break-up call that I decided on my New Year's Resolution. Last year it was 'get into the water quicker'...I'm such a hesitator at the beach, but stay in for hours. Now I get in faster and it is better.

So this year it's 'Dress Up, make the most of yourself' I feel life is an event and I like to express myself in clothes. The night of the resolution I saw Grace Jones, live at the Enmore Theatre. I wore a vintage 80's Italian Jumpsuit, with beaded self belt. I loved wearing it, I loved the reaction from people, it was like 'Shit she's wearing a jumpsuit, but hey, it's not bad'. I like to challenge people via clothing, I've decided.

If you are a real-life friend, you can see my jumpsuit pic on facebook. Photographed against a graffiti wall near the Enmore.

Who here believes 2009 is going to be good? At least I know how to help make it better. Dressing up, finding a good love and taking the dog for a walk.