undecided

Should I go to Voice Man's gig this weekend ? or should I just delete him ?

Last week Voice Man asked for my thoughts in an email. He said 'there are no wrong answers' So I told the truth, I'd like to see him again. I had taken a back step because of his birthday & the non-invite, but thought it was still worth pursuing, seeing what would unfold.

Obviously it was a wrong answer because that was Friday and it's now Wednesday.

I am really calm about it all, really I am. The frustrating bit is the 'not seeing' him bit. The one where you can answer all your internal questions just by seeing and talking to them again.

The reason I am calm is the myriad thoughts I'd had about my own existence in the last few days. I am determined to respect myself, gently demand it in others and focus on integrity, kindness and that extra sense of considered urgency you put into a relationship with someone you really like. That feeling of knowing it's special, the constant surprises you get when you're in their company; the 'oh, no, really ? ' responses.

There are two options. I can go to his music gig this Sunday. I wouldn't make a scene..but kinda interested to hear him perform, especially if they play "love is a battlefield", a particular favourite of mine.

Or I can forget about it & show him his behaivour is not good enough, and delete him from Facebook, my phone & my astro chart page. (I have a file on the astro web site & it saves all your charts ) That would be about everything, except I want my DVD back. I gave him my original copy of the Catalyst program (the show I was on) so I'd have to get that back.

Okay, vote please !

CUB's vs FUB's

C.U.B. - Cashed - Up - Bogans

Tradies and other manual workers, Small Business Owners with no University Qualifications. Early School leavers. Working Class, Blue Collar, Trade Union Supporters. League Fans, Ute Drivers, Holdens and Fords. Greyhound owners. Flannel shirt wearers, Up the sleeve with a pack of smokes. Howyagoing, luv.

F.U.B. - Frozen Urban Blokes

City Types, Professionals, Nice Manners, Suit Wearers, Good Schools, Rugby Union. Liberal Party, Huge Mortgages, European Cars - NorthShore Holden = BMW. Labradors and Cockaspoodels. Country Road and Ralph Lauren. Good straight teeth. "Sorry, must take that call". weekend workers.

'Should have married a plumber or builder' is the new cry from the professional working poor. Those who are moaning the cost of replicating their childhood lives of big homes, private schools and holidays in the sun. Marriage to a Lawyer, SuperSmart Accountant or Stockbroker does not augur well for financial freedom.

It's the tradesman as the desirable one. The on-demand renovation desire has created a new sub-species. Sucessful Bogans.

The 80's was the Lawyer, the Partner, the LA Law bespoke suit verbal warrior, as an ideal husband. The 90's was the Money Market Man. Mysterious Hedge Funds and whispers of massive bonuses. This decade is the Tradesman. The transformer of backyards, kitchens and creator of nifty space savers, particulary walk-in-wardrobes.

I've dated through all these decades. Barristers, Lawyers, Stockbrokers, Engineers, Money Market Traders, I.T experts. They freeze up on commitment. Ever so well mannered. Fork and knives in the right place. Suits all beautifully cut. Take them anywhere, but not up the aisle. Not as enlightened as you might think too.

Now is the time for the CUB. the tradesmans charm, the cash-only man, the small to medium business owner with energy, sucess and is on-demand vocationally. They are interested in Plasma TV's, boats, simple holiday cottages and have no sense of cutlery.

The Coach is more CUB than FUB. strangely have only seen him eat with chopsticks. Don't know when our next 'meeting' is. I asked him if we can stop talking about work more about personal stories next time. He smiled with that horribly appealing eye twinkle and said, "yes! and on a couch too."

astro note: he is capricorn x 4. sun, moon, merc, and venus.

finding the fit man

A few years ago I saw Elizabeth the psychic. Many things dont' make sense but she did mention stuff about TV & Films which is now true. I have focused on the few keys things she said about the next bloke, as you do.

The description was 'nice partner coming into life, caring, fit, kind. nice family. A boat, dogs, 2-3 children, you'll live near water - not in sydney, he'll have ppl in Noosa."

Since then, never in my life have I gone out with so many fit blokes. There's been marathon runners (he'd run to get the car the next day after big night out, a handy skill) , rowers, 6am gym maniacs, the surfing physiologist, a pentathete (the horses and archery kind) and now the fitest of them all, a motivational coach & fitness book writer, MrUltraFit, called for a catch-up.

All of them want to live near water, all want to buy boats... it's like a package, once they are fit, they want the other bits.

So the Ultimate Fit bloke, the one I kissed for a bottle of wine six months ago, emailed to catch-up. We meet in Chinatown for a quick meal, ended up talking until they cleaned up around us & stacked the chairs. And guess what? he just bought a boat, and is off up the coast to his dad's holiday house, you guessed it, by the water for the weekend.

Blog-versary

One year since I started this ! now I'm 130 posts down, the tv show has aired...but still no man.

In my obsessive astro way, I look for reasons why. I'm constantly looking at astrology sites to see what the stars are doing to my Gemini life. While I thrust myself into more embarassing dating situations, well, I now hardly blink at speed dating now...I just find it exhausting & RSVP is time consuming. I fantasize about someone parachuting into my life and getting entangled in the trees outside my bedroom. Then I think about drag-queen Paul's Dad who was caught in a parachute and couldn't have kids, so I scrap that idea. (the answer to this puzzle is Paul is adopted)

I think one day I'll wake up and be in a relationship & it'll feel like it always existed.

Pluto is to blame for my lack of relationships. I just listened to Jessica Adams' podcast on Pluto the planet of Control & Power. Apparantely it's been in my relationship sector (7th house) since 1995, and it's about to move to the house of finance and business. It completely mucked up my relationship house, like some over staying backpacker, preventing any other interesting guests staying. It's been a party pooper. So I had to be strong, get rid of this unwanted guest by exposing it, like some vampire to light, by blogging my relationship life & going on tv & doing ridiculous things like speed dating.

The pluto monster is now headed for my 8th House (of business & commerce). Best to vacate this house to the pluto beast. that's a good excuse to stop working!

freaky activites

I haven't really gone into the esoteric side of this bloke search. All the psychic stuff, the cards, mantras, wish boxes, crystals, feng shui....all the freaky deak stuff.

let me scare you a little..!

I saw two psychic's around the New Year. The first was Tarot, which cost $50, the second came to the holiday house, I think she was $80. This year is all good, with business and love all there...it felt good to hear positive stuff.

Each week I listen to radio programs, via the internet, on positive thinking, angel therapy & trusting your vibes on Hayhouse

I've watched 'The Secret' and 'What the Bleep' two DVD's on positive thoughts.

I've read Paulo Coelho (the alchemist & others), Erkhart Tolle 'The Power of Now' and regulary dip into Alain de Botton's 'The Consolations of Philosophy'

Then there's the astrology. Mystic Medusa is my favourite. I subscribe to her daily astro raves (a bargain at $2.50 a month). Her books 'Soul Mating' and 'Astro Guide' are invaluable for assessing a potential love interest.

Valentines Day I spent with Jessica Adams & the launch of her new book, Astrolove, and a talk on your Venus Sign (mine is in leo)

When in doubt (on a daily basis!) I consult on-line oracles, like Mystic's and Linda Hill's The Sabian Symbols. These witty or cryptic answers keep me amused and sane.

I have a wish box. Full of things that symbolise partnerships and love. It's covered in dust now.

The weekly flowers for the feng-shui love corner has been ditched due to disinterest.

Crystals bore me. I can't emote to a stone. It reminds me of the pet rock I used to have complete with stick-on buggle eyes.

I stopped meditating when the iPod was stolen.

What's left is this blog. My on-line friend. A little like a special invisible friend, who doesnt' talk back much, but allows me to rave on while sipping red wine in my nightie. good times.

Breeze passing

I'm having all sorts of flip-flops and juxtaposed events recently. I start an affair & am robbed in the same night as well as becoming a Godmother. Yesterday in the post was a rejection letter from Paddington Markets, and the next letter was from the Lottery Office, I'd won a free ticket & another from some debt collectors for an old bill. Always threes...

This morning I needed to swim. Thrash through the water at my favourite pool, Boy Charlton, for two reasons, I've signed up for a harbour swim this Sunday & because my iPod was stolen, I needed to illicit the meditative qualities of swimming, as I usually meditate to Dorje on my iPod.

Life gave a third reason.

I got an email from TASF this morning, saying he was too busy at work & couldn't make any commitments as his life is crazy. So the offer of an Affair was scuttled.

As I read the email, I felt a faint breeze pass over my face. Like a door closing in front of me. There's been a few breezes recently. Things not going the way I want, boys falling through, things not arriving, opportunities delayed. I know it's Mercury Retrograde at the moment ( a time of blocked communication) but this is more than that. A whole shift is occuring & I'm still sitting in the middle of the storm , wondering where I'll land.

singles party

it's just really vile, the things you have to do.

thursday night: a swish bar on the harbour, and everyone was 30+ and single. First relief - most people were way over 30. First nightmare - the 'question & answer' game we had to play in order to mingle was so sexually loaded, it was embarrassing.

Straight to the bar, downed a few G&T's . Got out the game cards & just went along with it. It was suddenly easy to move from one bloke to another, have a chat, ask a few questions & move around. I was with Di, who is a good talker. I ask the silly questions & she gets straight to the important ones, like where do you live & what do you do. It was mostly women moving & doing the game. The men stood around. not sure what that is.

Once you found your 'answer' card, you went in the draw for a dvd prize. After an hour, I couldn't find my answer, so I swapped cards. We were talking to two lovely guys from Manly (a beachside suburb) at the time & my new card matched one of them. He is super fit, super sucessful & another bloody capricorn. (the third this year!) Now you may think, I'm up to my old tricks, asking about star signs, but he asked me first, seriously! He actually asked if I could guess his star sign...now, my friends know this, but it's one of my party tricks. If I can guess your star sign, you get to kiss my friend....meanwhile, I get out the phone camera & take a picture! strangely they let me guess many times & everyone gets a pash, so it's a fun game. So Mr SuperFitManly asks me if can guess him. After 3 goes I did. He then recited the famous people born on his day (Jan 9th, elvis presley is one), whereas I have Donald Trump & Boy George (june 14th)

Capricorns are funny, they love to reel off their acheivements to you... how many books, businesses, overseas trips, deals, network moments.

We then dicussed astrologers, shamens etc, as you do. I said I've been asking the universe for a partner. I also wanted to win one of the DVDs of 'the break-up' so I laughed & said 'universe i want to win a dvd'. We then walked to the counter with our matching Q&A's. I told the girl I finally matched with someone after an hour, she gave me a strangely sympathetic look & just nodded to her side-kick as they passed me a dvd & said,' take this & don't tell anyone'. the universe was listening! am totally inspired to keep asking & maybe ask for a bit more than just a dvd.

next weird game bit. Anyone who booked via the internet recieved a SMS. 'hi cat, find your Y and kiss him at the match table to WIN a bottle of X&Y wine. First 3 couples to do the dare win!" I showed it to MrSuperFitManly & he said, let's do it. As a secretly competitive person, who is also a lush, I thought it an excellent idea. We rushed first to the table & (I can't believe this ) pashed for a bottle of wine, while they took photos. ... i must go and check their web site...dear me.

So I left with a dvd, bottle of wine, his business card & a desire to ask the universe for more things.