Thursday, May 29, 2008

He keeps trying!

I meet him 2 years ago, TypeA-SuperFit. After a 3 week relationship and one late night rendezvous he has fallen into a pattern of sending late night text messages. Of which I never agree to..these lead to a series of text messages about the need to be 'human'.

What I love is his timing. Whenever he sends them I have my period.

For your is last night's text conversation...btw, he has a blackberry and I'm on a Nokia N95 hence the difference in length.

TASF: 10:56pm "Fancy a mid-week...

Cat: 10: 58: "If this is who I think you have impeccable timing. Got my period and NOT interested"

11:01pm "That shouldn't stop you....The more emotion the better & it saves me going to the gym as I know you are a good..."

Cat: 11:03pm: "You might need me but I don't need you. So much fun being rude to you"

TASF: 11:06pm. Well done you are clearly getting good regular sex from someone... Very impressive - you should write a book...I don't need you...But I don't take life too seriously & do remember you were fun in b... Be bad!!! But @ the end of the day just have a laugh...& enjoy !!!

Cat: 11:12 "Ah the good funny version of you shines thru. Your drunken twin likes to spoil your chances. Take care."

TASF: 11:17 pm: "No the complete TASF understands life is complex and there are no simple answers....Occasionally drunk yes..But never without reason...You Take Care..."

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Which One ?

I like Mystery Man, I like The Traveller and to add to the list I like Mr Enthusiastic.

Introducing....Mr Enthusiastic. He's part of my group of Perth friends. In Sydney I have groups of friends who originate from different parts of Australia, there's the Barossa chicks (outrageously filthy language, great knowledge of wines) a couple of strays from Brisbane and the Gold Coast, my Sydney friends & the Perthies, from Western Australia

My Perth friends are wonderful (hello you lot!) and enjoying hosting mad afternoons of painting, tennis or BBQ's. Mr Enthusiastic is a new recruit to the Sydney-Perth posse.

He's just refreshingly honest, he blurts out stuff that Sydney boys wouldn't... he talks about the rough politics of his family, his ups and downs and that he sees a therapist. We went for a local dinner.

In the bottle shop he said. "I'm going to buy my own wine, I need a West Australian red"

I wanted a Pinot Noir, my newest favourite, to go with the lamb. Strangely this suited me. I could have my wine & he could have his.

We arrived at the restaurant with two bottles & they both sat in front of us. There was something naughty but comforting about buying a bottle each.

Mr E had a girlfriend for 11 years. She did everything for him, cooked, cleaned, drove him around. That's why he has appalling house cleaning skills. No guessing they were both miserable near the end of the relationship.

I asked "If you were hassled a bit more, asked to make a decision, marry her or not, would that be helpful, well, not helpful, but it should be said to you. I think people in relationships need a bit of prodding now and then, all this drifting, and no one's allowed to tease you in that concerned friend or family way. "

"I should have let her go" he said.

He's honest, he talks and regrets immediately what he says while laughing. There's a social klutz personality to him which is endearing. And he's just enthusiastic.

He walked me to the bus stop, we hugged casually, and said good night. I'll see him this week for lunch.

No. 2 The Traveller. He's away at the moment. He finally worked out the status update thing on Facebook. It's like having a Private Detective on him ! But let me go back to the event, Pangea Day.

I arrived when the movies started. The large room had two screens & about 30 people watching each. Marilyn was already there. One of the hosts came and said hello. " I'm a friend of The Traveller's" "He's over there near the other screen" said the host. I could see the back of his head.

For the next 3 hours I sat with Marilyn. We moved around and talked to people, but The Traveller never came over to speak to me, never said hello. I was frozen with embarrassment. All my social gumption was gone. I had made the decision to invite myself & regretted it.

Near the end (after a few of those champagnes that got me into trouble later on) I stopped him walking by and said hello.

"Oh, you are here."

"I've been here since the beginning"

"I was looking for you in a dress." (strange answer, but I realised I wore a dress the last two times we met)

"How are you ? Did you do anything for Mother's Day?" I asked

"My mum's in hospital. A lot's going on. My sister tried to commit suicide, I found her. Probably drove about 3,000 kms going back and forward to see her. Every one's asking how I'm coping"

"You're in a doing phase, no time to think, you're just in action mode."

"Yes, exactly" his face looked reflective. "I've got the kids now, they keep me grounded" he said with genuine happiness. He spoke about the new nanny for the kids.

"The ex is in the marital home, I have the apartment. She's a bit loopy. " He stuck out his tongue and pulled a face. We both laughed.

"I hear you go to Bodega." I said "I go there sometimes after work, about 9pm, sit at the bar and have a meal. " he replied.

"We should catch up for coffee". He seemed to say that genuinely.

We had a bit more general chat & that was it.

My thoughts (and I'd love yours!) He's got a bit going on in his life ! Mother, Sister, ex wife, kids, nanny and work. I'm going to let him sort out his life for a bit. However, after Polly's words to me last week (don't put conditions on your needs) I'm not cutting him out of my thoughts, but I know that pushing or wanting something to happen is probably not good for me right now. I'll place my feelings in a snap freezer. On hold but ready for instant defrost!

Mystery Man is the great friend. We've got this on/ off time together worked out. I might not see him for a few weeks and then we'll have a big night. Other times he travels for a month. There is an easy understanding. I'm available for catching up, but we can equally have quite separate lives in between.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Two conversations

Tonight is dinner with Mystery Man. He came by on Saturday night when I hosted an old friends catch-up. We were on the 6th bottle of wine or something, sitting on the balcony, covered in blankets (it was about 14deg). He asked why the outdoor heater wasn't on. Something logical in the face of our drunken stupor.

Later he talked to me about the drink driving issue. His mother was injured by a drunk driver and he told me the injuries. Of course I would never intend to hurt anyone, it would be mortifying, but that's what drink driving means, to be that drunk person who injures.

The police experience was like a glimpse at what it could be like, although the next time I could be arrested and charged. A police record does affect many parts of your life. Later this year I could be applying for a new type of business license which involves a police check. I want to know there is nothing to hide and that I'm a responsible citizen.

So rather than thinking 'I'll make it home' its a clear thought... 'The car is staying, definitely can't drive and I'll take a bus or taxi'.

The second conversation was with Polly. She's moved in with her boyfriend this week. It's all been quick but worthy. In fact not hesitating was the key. Just jump.

We were doing our usual chat, what life is doing for us right now, where's our direction - our work. We're both sole operators & it's the self motivation and determination that we encourage each other with, except this time she stopped me.

"Cat, can I speak straight to you? "

"Of course" I trust Polly's skills at saying those hard things in a gentle manner.

"I can hear the resignation in your voice. The acceptance of what is currently and what can only be. For instance, you have already accepted that things will take longer so you'll just be patience, like I'll not allowed to have that achievement right now, or want that goal, because there must be something else I need to learn before I'm allowed to have that."

Polly's boyfriend, said to her, "I always want a relationship, I never stopped looking or trying. I never gave up". Where as we would say to each other...maybe this is not my time, I should put my effort elsewhere, it's not meant to be.

That's the acceptance stuff.

"What do you really want ? " She said. "Ask for it, admit it, expect it."

Later that day I stood on the balcony, looking at the full moon & I clearly said to myself. " I want to get married." Not, I want a boyfriend or relationship...because I want more, I want the ultimate relationship, a marriage.

As I said that phrase, louder and louder in me, I felt relieved. The night sparkled a little more and it felt right. I do want to get married. I do.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Mothers Day

I'll tell the last story first. Sunday night, after hosting Mother's Day Lunch, I attended Pangea Day at The Traveller's office. His organisation was holding an event to see this 4 hour broadcast of film. I invited myself and my friend Marilyn (for support). The event had started when I arrived and I sat with Marilyn. It was a fully catered for event, with waiters passing food and drinks. We got tucked into the champagne. Charity and champagne go together, yeah?

Once settled, I saw The Traveller sitting in another part of the room. But this is not the story I'll be telling right now. So I'll fast forward to the end.

Marilyn and I were the last to leave (we're good at that) and went for another drink and some food at a pub near her place. We shared stories about the night and I took her home, almost.

Two streets from her place a Police car flashed his headlight at me. I couldn't think why. Then turned the corner and realised my headlights weren't on, only to see the Police car, full lights on, behind me. I pulled over.

"You were driving without your headlights' he said. "Have you been drinking? " he asked.

"Yes", I replied, " I've had a few champagnes " Marilyn started telling them were we'd been..unfortunately she was quite drunk and slurry, so this alarmed the officer.

'We'd like to breath test you" he said, "but we don't have a breath analyser here. We're calling for one to be brought over. Would you mind waiting here"

It took about 15 mins for the machine to arrive. I thought of all the champagnes I'd drunk that night & knew I wasn't' bad, but wasn't good. Still sitting in the car, I blew into the machine. They conferred and said I was over the limit ( .05 ). Shit.Fuck.

Get out of the vehicle, he said. 'We are arresting you for drink driving"

Marilyn was trying to ask them for my reading. But they wouldn't give it. Maybe because she was wobbling on the footpath.

We're taking you to the station for a further reading. They called for a paddy wagon.

Why not in a police car ? I asked. Procedure.

The paddy wagon was running late because they were taking prisoners in it.

I had to remove my belt, take only my essentials. I took all my jewellery off and placed it my handbag, then in the boot. I had my phone, my credit card and some cash.

When the wagon arrived a female office had to search me, then I got into the back.

Have you ever envisage what it's like in a paddy wagon ? I thought it was metal with two bench seats. This one was like a fridge. All white fiberglass and two benches, front and back. Slits for windows and a strong gust of air from the front. The seats were only 10cms high. I wedged my feet against the front and placed my hands on the space next to me. There were no seat belts, no handles. I thought of the last passengers, the prisoners.

I would have taken a photo, but they had my phone. How would that look on facebook?

The wagon drove to Waverly Police Station where they have a more accurate machine for breathe testing.

I could see via the front window the car driving into a garage. I was entering via the prisoner’s entrance. When it stopped I could see them all standing outside. When the door opened I was lead, not touched, to the ‘holding dock’ until the machine was ready.

The holding dock was like a clear phone box, with one bench seat. The whole front was clear Perspex and I faced the main desk, on which lay my personal things. I saw them fill out forms, check details and discuss me, while I sat behind plastic examining all the scratch marks and shoe marks on the walls.

I wanted my phone. I wanted to call people, go on-line, distract myself from reality.

I envisage myself from the outside. Me sitting there in a blazer, jeans and dress shoes. Two hours ago I was in the boardroom of a top 5 law firm, enjoying their hospitality while watching a program on world peace issues. Ah, juxtaposition.

Should I do star jumps ? get the blood moving and get the alcohol out of my system? What if the next reading is also over. I was arrested for being over the limit, DUI – driving under the influence is the code. However, I had to take another test, with a more accurate machine, before they could charge me. So I was under temporary arrest, pending the results of the next test.

Procedure continued with my rights being read, forms to sign and questions to answer.

They I was lead into the testing room.

“Can I use the bathroom?” I had drunk a lot of water while waiting in the car.

“No, not until after the test”

Two officers sat in a room, one taking notes and another setting up the machine. It was taking a long time.

“You’re coming down’ said the Detective Inspector “ and it’s to your advantage that this takes time to test you. If this reading is under, then you are free to go home. We will drive you back to your car “ I chatted to them about Pangea Day, for two reasons, one to show I wasn’t that drunk and two, I believe charm and good manners go a long way.

More time passed, more forms, more people coming through. I was first tested at 10:30pm. I was now 12:10am.

"Your first reading was .067"

They could take as long as they liked.

The machine was ready. It was a three part machine with printer, dials, led display and a cash register ticket thing. I liked it’s 1970 IBM look. Old technology was comforting me.

I blew. It beeped, whirred and chugged out paper.

The testing office looked at the results, turned to me and stuck out his hand. We shook. I knew what that meant. The reading was .04. My road side reading was .067. The D.I. said they get regularly abused by the public while waiting for the test.

My things were returned.

I quickly texted Marilyn “I’m free! They are driving me back. I have a certificate to prove my sobriety. God what an experience ! Now stop laughing and go to sleep” time: 1.10am

I ‘m horrified at what happened. But I’m sobered by the experience. And truthfully, I’ve driven DUI and could have not blown under both times. I just didn’t get stopped.