some changes

I'm sitting here typing sideways. I have a puppy asleep on my lap. After a week of decision making and a few months of other decisions, I have my very own dog. She's 20 weeks old & a 'spoodle' yes, that a cross between a spaniel and a poodle.

I've named her Calypso after a character in The Camomile Lawn by Mary Wesley. Calypso was beautiful but naughty. This Calypso is not naughty yet. All shoes have been put away & she's not showing any chewing tendencies yet...yet.

She's not my substitute child, she's just a dog & I'm trying to grow up and be responsible for something. Which is a big deal for me... all the freedoms I have, my work, my lack of other responsibilities (except the m-word - mortgage) means I didn't feel I was contributing or sharing with other people. Dogs make you share. You talk about them, take them for walks and then you pick up their poos. Grown up stuff!

Enough about the dog & I swear I this won't turn into a dog lovers site..it's still all about me (a great place to be)

A couple of things have happened.

When it rains it pours and all that. Saturday night 20 of us saw Sex and the City. We had champers before and after the film, then I pashed Mr Enthusiastic after the 5th bottle of bubbles & he came to mine for sleep-over...all clothes on & a good nights sleep.

yes I felt bad...why did I do that...because. He's fun to be around, makes me feel instantly happy & I don't worry about him (*ouch* sitting sideways & typing is hard!) the worry that you are responsible for their good times. I'm like that...I worry that people are not having a good time & must entertain.

The next morning he left early & walked home...although this is where I can genuinely worry as he has no sense of direction... He texted to say he has something to tell me and can we meet at 5pm the next day for a drink.

the old 'something to say' moment. I could agonise. I could be defensive. I could guess ?

He loves me, he doesn't, he doesn't want a relationship right now, sorry to lead you on, you're wonderful, but.., you deserve someone better...

all those thoughts.
He needed a few beers to tell me. The second part I can't say here...suffice to say it's a body issue thing, not permanent but just a personal thing. You respect I can't it say here.

he said....he does really like me.. wow. He could fall for me. okay.

This is where the long dating history starts to be useful. I've had this happen before. A very attentive bloke pleaded with me to love him. He's was such a puppy and I just gave in. Hard when it ended because I feel like I was talked in it.

If I fall for Mr Enthusiastic it will not by via convincing myself. And it's not going to happen straight away. It takes a while to rid yourself of thoughts of anyone else and any ongoing liaison I may have (with MysteryMan). But it may happen and I'll tell you why.

He's just so open, emotionally. He tells me his thoughts, not necessarily to agree with them, but to express himself, and he accepts that my answers are not exactly like his or align with his views..he just wants to know where I stand. He doesn't tease, or belittle, or argue back, he just shows his thinking and accepts your version, with a little backchat.

I shared my theory that 'dating' is not just about dinners and drinks, it's about walking the dog (yes!) buying groceries, making a meal together and trying to find the new Ikea store. Next weekend I am going to help him put his bed together. He's such a bachelor. The bed is in pieces while he sleeps on the floor.

So when I say I want to take this slowly, I do. I can & just hang out with him.

But a least he's trying and I respect that.

Now, off to walk Calypso.

Which One ?

I like Mystery Man, I like The Traveller and to add to the list I like Mr Enthusiastic.

Introducing....Mr Enthusiastic. He's part of my group of Perth friends. In Sydney I have groups of friends who originate from different parts of Australia, there's the Barossa chicks (outrageously filthy language, great knowledge of wines) a couple of strays from Brisbane and the Gold Coast, my Sydney friends & the Perthies, from Western Australia

My Perth friends are wonderful (hello you lot!) and enjoying hosting mad afternoons of painting, tennis or BBQ's. Mr Enthusiastic is a new recruit to the Sydney-Perth posse.

He's just refreshingly honest, he blurts out stuff that Sydney boys wouldn't... he talks about the rough politics of his family, his ups and downs and that he sees a therapist. We went for a local dinner.

In the bottle shop he said. "I'm going to buy my own wine, I need a West Australian red"

I wanted a Pinot Noir, my newest favourite, to go with the lamb. Strangely this suited me. I could have my wine & he could have his.

We arrived at the restaurant with two bottles & they both sat in front of us. There was something naughty but comforting about buying a bottle each.

Mr E had a girlfriend for 11 years. She did everything for him, cooked, cleaned, drove him around. That's why he has appalling house cleaning skills. No guessing they were both miserable near the end of the relationship.

I asked "If you were hassled a bit more, asked to make a decision, marry her or not, would that be helpful, well, not helpful, but it should be said to you. I think people in relationships need a bit of prodding now and then, all this drifting, and no one's allowed to tease you in that concerned friend or family way. "

"I should have let her go" he said.

He's honest, he talks and regrets immediately what he says while laughing. There's a social klutz personality to him which is endearing. And he's just enthusiastic.

He walked me to the bus stop, we hugged casually, and said good night. I'll see him this week for lunch.

No. 2 The Traveller. He's away at the moment. He finally worked out the status update thing on Facebook. It's like having a Private Detective on him ! But let me go back to the event, Pangea Day.

I arrived when the movies started. The large room had two screens & about 30 people watching each. Marilyn was already there. One of the hosts came and said hello. " I'm a friend of The Traveller's" "He's over there near the other screen" said the host. I could see the back of his head.

For the next 3 hours I sat with Marilyn. We moved around and talked to people, but The Traveller never came over to speak to me, never said hello. I was frozen with embarrassment. All my social gumption was gone. I had made the decision to invite myself & regretted it.

Near the end (after a few of those champagnes that got me into trouble later on) I stopped him walking by and said hello.

"Oh, you are here."

"I've been here since the beginning"

"I was looking for you in a dress." (strange answer, but I realised I wore a dress the last two times we met)

"How are you ? Did you do anything for Mother's Day?" I asked

"My mum's in hospital. A lot's going on. My sister tried to commit suicide, I found her. Probably drove about 3,000 kms going back and forward to see her. Every one's asking how I'm coping"

"You're in a doing phase, no time to think, you're just in action mode."

"Yes, exactly" his face looked reflective. "I've got the kids now, they keep me grounded" he said with genuine happiness. He spoke about the new nanny for the kids.

"The ex is in the marital home, I have the apartment. She's a bit loopy. " He stuck out his tongue and pulled a face. We both laughed.

"I hear you go to Bodega." I said "I go there sometimes after work, about 9pm, sit at the bar and have a meal. " he replied.

"We should catch up for coffee". He seemed to say that genuinely.

We had a bit more general chat & that was it.

My thoughts (and I'd love yours!) He's got a bit going on in his life ! Mother, Sister, ex wife, kids, nanny and work. I'm going to let him sort out his life for a bit. However, after Polly's words to me last week (don't put conditions on your needs) I'm not cutting him out of my thoughts, but I know that pushing or wanting something to happen is probably not good for me right now. I'll place my feelings in a snap freezer. On hold but ready for instant defrost!

Mystery Man is the great friend. We've got this on/ off time together worked out. I might not see him for a few weeks and then we'll have a big night. Other times he travels for a month. There is an easy understanding. I'm available for catching up, but we can equally have quite separate lives in between.