hard to describe

The whole evening was fun. I really enjoy his company, like staring at his face, clicking along with thoughts & stories & it's all really easy. The slight sexual undertones are a long forgotton addition to the event as well. Whether those undertones are just mine is still undecided.

over a cheap meal after the film we discussed his female friends. Some of whom he has dated briefly & some make moves on him every now & then. One particular chick is stunning. A perfect corporate barbie. Flowing blonde hair, perfect cheekbones, slender & loves a tight red dress. He dated her once & thought no. She makes moves on him sometimes & he has to put her back into place. I think she's the chick that boys want to date, but not in reality, as her appearance is time consuming. My comment was I like to think I can dive in the sea & not worry about my hair. she is the complete opposite. Grooming comes before joy.

I brought up his friend MrTASF and the text message saga of last week. He said he never discusses stuff like that with him, not unexpected, but was sympathetic to what I saw as his friend's unhappiness at life's outcomes. It was good to be honest & I liked his response.

The only other time I went out with Chris, almost 2 years ago, we sort-of kissed in the car after I drove him home. Considering we never went out again alone, I figured I would not repeat the same mistake. The traffic was bad near his house & it was decided he'd get out and walk...no biggy, as the night weather is glorious. I pulled the car in, turned to say goodbye & the lean-in from him was quite strong, so determindely, I went straight for the cheek. God those moments are so etched on your mind for days after. The small breaths taken between those actions are less than 3, yet are the only ones remembered all day. As he jumped out he smiled at me thru the open roof with such a soft penetrating gaze I just savoured it all in.

A few minutes after I got home, holding my phone & thinking of messages to text everyone, it went off. 'at home thanks for a good night' chris. oh, the small joy of that text.

I am not deluded. He's a great person. But is it timing ? is the feeling not reciprocated ? I don't know. But I do know I am his friend & he is good company. In the words of Madonna Esther Louise Ciccone Ritchie.. 'just let it be"

film in a few hours

just want to remember this moment. It's 2 hours before I meet Chris (mr balcony view) for a film. This is history making. In the last 2 years we have always been in groups, at parties, functions etc. never alone. That's right - never just us.

So preparations, Well Mystic has already blogged my date preps... will take my own advice!

Dating Advice From A Gemini
8/12/2006 10:33:49 PM
"lots of scrubbing of skin with salts in shower then , my fav, is sipping ice cold vodka mix while rubbing light scented oils onto skin after shower. rub oil all over arms & legs for glossy limb look.(pat dry with towel if too oily) ideally have swim in ocean morning of date. you will be a heady mixture of oils and ocean,with the grace of a gisele bunchen on catwalk, due to vodka confidence. if you drink white wine at date, put a few ice cubes in glass, it will stop you getting too drunk. The Gemini Fashionista."

All my friends have given great advice & are demaning a text update later tonight. It could be nothing, but I think it's something. I sense a fundamental shift.

Liz said " he gets three bites of the cherry" i.e. referring to the amounts of times I've had Chris it-should-happen moments. This is number three

Alison said "Don't confess, don't say anything you'll regret...be cool" wise advice as she knows my ability to blab inappropriately.

Lisa said 'my husband, when I confronted him at the beginning after a six month friendship, denied even liking me. He was soon jealous & changed his mind when I dated someone else."

Nicole said " go for it " with all her positivity and directness. No pfaffing about with Nicole.

The best was Tanya. She recalls a long conversation with Chris (mrBV) about cars. That you know exactly what you want from your next car, but not your next relationship. Could I play that game, 'if I was a car, was type of car would I be?"

chris is downstairs...

I'm upstairs in the office above the store. All day I've had meetings, long sales with customers & been a talking machine. The store manager calls me from downstairs. "chris is here to see you". I usually don't hesistate to help on the shop floor, particulary at this time of year, but who is 'chris'? it's a thursday afternoon. it's not chris/ mr balcony view?

IT BLOODY WELL WAS.

Standing in the store, looking all unshaven, healthy & relaxed. He has taken a week off from work, is enjoying himself & decided to visit. We stood around, talked life, concerts, parties, our friends, 80's music. 'I haven't seen you since the INXS concert' , 'you look well'..... he said. He's just lovely, so gentle, funny, told stories. I was trying not to over-think, not to expect, just enjoy. He is hopeless at initiating anything. So I asked if he's seen 'Casino Royale' 'oh, i've got all the books, but no, I haven't seen it yet' he doesnt say anything else. I know the next step is to suggest seeing it together...

we continue talking and then I did it.... I suggested we go & see the movie. he said bloody yes. It's momentous. we are both in a stand-off position, have been for years, I don't ask, he doesn't ask, we only see each other if our groups are co-alligned for some event. The tragedy is we were both at U2 the other week, both lined up for the same train home at midnight. I 've had enough of the coincidences. time for action.

So there we are making notes about seeing the film. 'I'm at a bbq, but would be good to leave at 5' 'okay i'll text you some time on sunday, the 6pm session? ' good, good.

a few moments after he left I was stuned. Luckily there is a pub across the road from the store...the hot humid afternoon called for corona's. We found his sunglasses on the counter, shortly after.

I called him...he said 'I was so excited to see the movie, I must have left my sunglasses behind'

will sleep well tonight.

texting rally continues

the last post was Friday afternoon. I was buggered & looked forward to a night on the couch, with episodes of West Wing & My Name is Earl, to watch. Friday is not my end of week, I work in the shop on Saturday & the markets on Sunday.

Was not to be. A new text arrived from MrType-A-SuperFit.
6:45pm "Well I never like playing reserve..so why don't you text me to see what happens?"

6:50pm " I'm texting. what happens now? I know how you get to be my star player, play by the rules"

7:13pm "I will text you later..you should come around to my place later..what rules do you want to play by..."

then the phone rang. He suggested dinner. Now I haven't seen him in 6 months, so actually meeting was going to be more productive.

He is a massive guy. Very muscular, tall, glasses, classic Type A. Very Fit, Bright, has 16 letters after his name on his business card. No dummy. But emotionally damaged. And very drunk.

His presense was very powerful, he was full of compliments, kept wanting to hold hands, spoke of how he thought of me constantly, but, in his words, was not boyfriend material but was up 'for fun'. I pushed back, didn't bite, and physically pushed him away. Being drunk he wasnt' aggresive, more playful.

He started telling me how much he admired me, respected me & my business. Told me how hard it must be...and it just hit me at once, I started crying. Not sobs but stress tears, watery eyes, hot tension leaving me. He put his hand on mine & it felt wrong. There are times when you cannot be touched by someone when you are crying and especially if you know the person is more manipulative. I didnt' want him to take advantage as by then I knew it would go no further.

The restuarant was emptying so we left for the pub across the road. Standing outside he asked for a hug and just sensed he was wounded in some way. He wasn't dangerous just misguided. He tried to pash me, but I pushed him away. It was time to go & I drove off home.

The next day, while at work, was the moring text

11;22am " Remember I am on the reserve bench..If you want we can be good for each other with the occasional...it is up to you...one think you need to be clear on though is I am not boy friend material..I am to much of a mess @ the moment" (yes, he has a blackberry, hence the long text)

reply: 'oh well, I'll just leave it"

I called shortly after as the whole 'mess' thing was weird. Why was he such a mess? work was good for him, he said. So I asked after his recent divorce. He was separated living with his sister when I meet him 6 months ago, what had happened since?

I asked" have you signed the papers yet? it is actually official?"

he signed them on Thursday.

midnight text rally

being the culture animal that I am, just got back from the theatre last night (moliere is over-rated) to find a text message from MrTASF. Another booty call text; demanding I go to him & satisfy his needs. As if...in the words of Cher Horowitz. Haven't seen the sod since May. What urges have come over him, I dont' know. My fabulosity is obviously slow to digest.

Was indignant at his suggestiveness, and each request came with the coda 'just for fun' or 'it will not go futher than the physical'. My responses were 'not interested', 'texting is lame' & 'not budging'. I switched my phone to silent and watched him call 3 times. Called him soon after that as sick of the text rally & couldn't go to sleep. Imaging he was home drunk, it turned out he was in the city. He tried his invitation out again: I just told him how offended I was with the first text message the other week. He did understand and apologised. The phone call ended soon after.

This morning's text was 'cat - you handled that very well last night....Although it would have been good fun if I had got my way...Anyway apologies for being so forward..TASF.

reply: 'apology accepted. I'm prepared to wait 4 the right bloke. Its more than sex. You understand. cat x'

'cat - you have the right approach but occassionally you can give yourself a break..After all @ the end of the day we are all human & I know iit is a great way to releave stress...TASF'

reply: you can be on the reserve bench then. however you might want to be some one else's star player'

And I told him the first message was shown to all my friends & I posted it on my blog...which is the first time he's heard of it.. I think he didn't quite catch what I was saying, cos I said it quickly. An enjoyable sneaky moment.

it was easy to flick off these messasges. So not interested in the pure physical. My challenge is to wait & find, then enjoy the right person.