hard to describe

The whole evening was fun. I really enjoy his company, like staring at his face, clicking along with thoughts & stories & it's all really easy. The slight sexual undertones are a long forgotton addition to the event as well. Whether those undertones are just mine is still undecided.

over a cheap meal after the film we discussed his female friends. Some of whom he has dated briefly & some make moves on him every now & then. One particular chick is stunning. A perfect corporate barbie. Flowing blonde hair, perfect cheekbones, slender & loves a tight red dress. He dated her once & thought no. She makes moves on him sometimes & he has to put her back into place. I think she's the chick that boys want to date, but not in reality, as her appearance is time consuming. My comment was I like to think I can dive in the sea & not worry about my hair. she is the complete opposite. Grooming comes before joy.

I brought up his friend MrTASF and the text message saga of last week. He said he never discusses stuff like that with him, not unexpected, but was sympathetic to what I saw as his friend's unhappiness at life's outcomes. It was good to be honest & I liked his response.

The only other time I went out with Chris, almost 2 years ago, we sort-of kissed in the car after I drove him home. Considering we never went out again alone, I figured I would not repeat the same mistake. The traffic was bad near his house & it was decided he'd get out and walk...no biggy, as the night weather is glorious. I pulled the car in, turned to say goodbye & the lean-in from him was quite strong, so determindely, I went straight for the cheek. God those moments are so etched on your mind for days after. The small breaths taken between those actions are less than 3, yet are the only ones remembered all day. As he jumped out he smiled at me thru the open roof with such a soft penetrating gaze I just savoured it all in.

A few minutes after I got home, holding my phone & thinking of messages to text everyone, it went off. 'at home thanks for a good night' chris. oh, the small joy of that text.

I am not deluded. He's a great person. But is it timing ? is the feeling not reciprocated ? I don't know. But I do know I am his friend & he is good company. In the words of Madonna Esther Louise Ciccone Ritchie.. 'just let it be"