a big nothing. a big predictable nothing. why predictable? because he does nothing to start or initiate a date or even regular contact. and that is the most telling behaivour of all.
So ten days after seeing the film, I had one of those female emotional moments. It was the night of my dad's birthday (dec 23rd) Surrounded by such greatfamily, full of good foods (zuchini flowers on the bbq with rose champagne) I just want to have someone to share that with...a really basic emotion.and at nearly 40 it's time to experience & share this feeling.
A bursting feeling came over me. A monster of desire birthing from my throat and mind. I had to text mrBalconyView. just something simple. but just some bloody contact. No longer wanting to be predictable, my new self is more demanding of my emotional needs.
it was almost 10pm, but, oh well, why sleep when you have desire on the brain? "hi, just to say hello. hope you are good and catch up some time soon."
my expectation was he would ignore. So I started getting ready for bed, within10 mins I heard my phone beep. I choose to keep brushing my teeth, and slowly went to the phone to see the message. " I'm good. at home chilling. merry xmas. hope you are well.would be nice to see you soon"
My heart just started beating stupidly widly.
for the next 50 mins we texted back and forward..fun but he shifted the conversation from anything serious & didn't solidify any dates. "going to bed now. have to finish xmas shopping tomorrow. Are you alright?"
the last part was the stopper. Did he think I was unhinged? I felt caught out with the comment.
another day where I swore under my breath about my behaivour & vowed to get over him.
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2 years ago