hello again

Life is like a washing machine.

Some people have recurring themes in their lives, the chorus we can't get out of our heads. Mine is to have short lived jobs, many of them, spend time at home, then pull myself up again and find another career. Next life I'm coming back as a life-time public servant, like a teacher, or a union official.

Feb 23rd we closed the shop. Gorn, over, finito. After 5 years. In the last week, when we could tell people, I had such wonderful reactions from people, how they only shopped with us, liked us being local. One long standing customer would pout and look upset in the last days as she passed us. And the dog is having withdrawl symptoms. She was a very good sales assistant, got lots of pats and had many visitors, including her own people.

I miss doing something I really liked, but I dont' miss the financial losses. We were working for nothing, almost. And really, that's not sensible.

Finally my brain, my mind is not thinking of the store. It took up a lot of room, all that thinking, and so many things went astray, from not organising my life or friends, to not even wanting to write. You don't know what's happening to you until it's all over. I do feel relieved, the proverbial weight lifted moment occured.

There is a good job lined up...another week and I can tell you. It's not fashion either.

Now for boys. Now at a strange but stable position of being in disbelief that a relationship with a man could ever seem real. why would I want a man? what use could he be ? I think men are lovely and my men friends (from relatives to friend's husbands) are delightful company... but I wouldn't want one hanging around being, well, being useless. I have no desire to put effort into a relationship.

Okay here are a few scenarios. A man with a good job, works hard. Weekends he catches up with his mates and plays sport. You never see him.

A man with more hours to spare. Likes computer games and watching TV series until late at night. He's entertaining himself, not you.

Finally, man with kids and ex wife, They all get along, but the kids are still young (under 10) and really, you know they are more important than you. You fit between the cracks of his life. No thanks.

I see a man via his job, his spare time, his ex's and his commitments before anything else. yes, I am prejudging, but no use trying unless there is something to try for.

so, blog, you are here for me whenever I need you.