Monday, September 22, 2008

Almost time

The radiation didn't work on Mum, she's one of the few for whom it doesn't work. She's near the end, not sure when the end is, but it is happening. When I spend time with her I have to take a long walk and think of things to do. We've watched enough day-time telly & it gets depressing. The news loops of cable are also mind numbing.

I've read things to her, looked at photos and made comments, played classical music, massaged her feet, joked and stroked her hair, held her hand and just lay there. She can't walk, too weak, and is lying in bed. Today I'm going to read her my short stories. Those that I wrote in Saturday classes in June. Some are about her, memories of holidays etc. She wasn't purposely in the stories, but the ones she is mentioned I will read to her.

I don't feel very reflective now, just being active, seeing friends, not thinking sad thoughts of Mum's imminent death, so this blog is feeling strained.

My alcohol intake is constant. I could drink three glasses of wine a day, have a few cigarettes and fall asleep in that numb way. As summer is nearing and sunrise is earlier, Calypso demands I get up earlier and do longer there is an opposite health response too.

I've seen Mr Enthusiastic every week, sometime more, I've drunk lots with him & dumped my worries on him too. We went to a play on Iraq last week. The first hour was a monologue, interesting, but at half time we discovered the play was 3 hours long. I made the executive decision to take off & we found a pub to finish the night at. It's these things which make spending time with him great.

I can't write much more, It's just not there...but I did need to give this small update.


Chic Rugby said...

Cat, I'm so sorry. Your mum is such a lovely person and I remember particularly going to the races with her and to the movies at Mrs Macquarie's Chair ...... this is such a terrible time for you and I am so sorry you are having to go through it at this stage of your life.

I've been pretty flat out with work stuff but all that should be over in the next couple of days. Will try to give you a call before I go to Hong Kong on Saturday.

Lots of love and thoughts ...


k said...

I'm so sorry :(
Just breathe.