As I prepared for my birthday cocktail party, I was happy to organise, create and set-up the list of drinks, ingredients, decorations, guest list and music. Knowing my friends would all pitch in and help with various foods and mixers, although I was providing the bulk of the goods, I felt utterly complete.
yes, I'd love to hire a waiter or barman or buy a case of french bubbles, however, I hope that I gave my friends a good night out. Certainly the dog, Calypso, had a good time. She slunk up to everyone and was thoroughly adored. Like me, she has a hard time knowing when to say good night.
Mr Enthusiastic wanted to stay over & Calypso acted as both chaperon and contraceptive. My dog is becoming more useful daily.
My life is not complete, yet, and I have grand plans for the rest of the year, but the aching need for someone else has disappeared. Mr E is sweet and Mystery Man is a true friend, but not worth all my time. My alone time is so enjoyable. Do you have that feeling? the house is empty...you can play your music, the only mess is yours and you have mess amnesia for that, a bit like can't smell my own fart-itis.
Some people panic without structure, order, a certain amount in the bank...but not me. Am I an internal hippie? I don't need perfection, either for my physical or economic means. I like to treat people right, be empathetic, kind, & I detest a locked in mind.
People ask me why the dishwasher still isn't fixed, or the rip in the couch, or the curtains still unlined, and the real truth is lack of money, but the house is arranged for living. Everything is in a good position, the magazines are tempting, the sun shines on the outdoor cane lounges and everyone is relaxed. And the dog is a bonus.
I just want to get my plans up and running...maybe self fulfillment is what I've discovered.
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2 years ago