a breather

So focused on all the things happening that I've not even thought

about my love life for weeks. It's such a relief! This is not a 'no mojo' situation, nor a 'I'm discovering the real me' moment, but just not interested. Especially in the effort department. Happy to talk and flirt but I'm not looking any outcomes.

Friday I was working in the city at my Dad's office. He needs help attaching photos to his emails, that sort of thing. We also argue and laugh a lot. But the effect the city had on me was interesing. I love it's energy, people rushing around, carrying phones and coffee's, women in high heels clacking away & me just soaking it all in.

Being in an office was fun (I'm not mad! ) it was clean & organised & so was the bathroom and kitchen. I am so sick of the shop's mess, it's really disturbing my head.

Anyhoo, meet all sorts of friends at the Opera Bar. It's perched to the side of the Opera House on the harbour. Kind of the best place you could be in Sydney on a Friday night.

I went spastic with the wine and cigarettes, I hassled Skye's boyfriend to behave better & Holly and I were the last in the bar...they were packing the chairs around us. I was so drunk I forgot I had vomited. The bathroom gave the evident away.

Back to being a trash bag. I cleaned the house all weekend, does that count towards redemption?

the on-going

In the middle of a whole bunch of changes and decisions, hence the lack of time/ space/ ability to blog.

1. Job. Just had 4th interview with 'x' company
2. Home. one moving out another moving in
3. Life. in positive momentum
4. Love. now last on the list. Sometimes you can only do 3 things at once!

The job is a whole new change. From working for myself to working in a dynamic company with a desirable salary: read: ability to pay for mortgage and other life sustaining luxuries, ie. champagne and food. I actually bought take-away last night. A major turning point! Usual meal consisted of opening fridge door, staring, taking out and sniffing, then pouring a glass of wine. For some reason I never run out of booze, only food.

The work offer is stupidly close. I've meet 4 people in the organisation now. All the top people from the Managing Director and across..part of the appeal is the flat structure of the good people.

This means I can now afford shoes and not just eBay bargains...though will continue with this delicious option.

Home life is on another revolution. My brother is moving out & I will probably take the temporary option flatmate, a friend's friend who needs 3 months accommodation, before committing to a full-on flatmate.

My life and sense of it is changing because of the other changes. In that I'm in the middle of a cycle of change but it hasn't played out yet. The dust is there, needs to move and then settle. Which means my emotional needs have evaporated. I have no head space for the love thoughts. The physical body has shifted gears to a dynamic life mode and not emotional life mode.

The mojo is on a break. I was a bit tired from the let downs and once-off moments. Not to worry, it will come back. Nice to have a break from that semi-obsession of flesh and pleasure.

As always my friends are proving to be with-me companions. We all know to shift our needs & time away from futile relationships.

Next weekend off to a beach house with ChicRugby for some time away with arm-fulls of classic movies and sunhats. ah...

Spitting Image

Watching a psychologist on morning TV explain through images the physical similarity of Angelina's Dad (John Voight) to Brad; then Guy Ritchie to Madonna's Dad.

We pick people who look like our parents & for women, it's the idea of a man taking care of us, like our Dad.

This made me think about my Dad: a wonderful man & married to my Mum for over 40 years. He's my business mentor, financial adviser & an appalling joke teller. He' s also extremely fit for 67 & still works - which is good for him, both mentally and socially.

Dad thinks he looks like this bloke, Steve McQueen.

I'm not looking for someone to race motorbikes over fences, nor die early, but the visual thing..

Does your Dad look like someone or do you recognise your interest in someone because of similar features/ habits..

Vote for Daniel !

This lovely boy called Daniel is a regular visitor to our shop...turns out he's a great singer and is one of the last few on Australian Idol.

back in action, kind of

Where have I been? unable to post anything reasonable. Still waiting for the final job interview. Now scheduled for this Friday and that's where I've been focused. Researching, writing and filling my head with stuff which will fall out once I've done the talk. I'm an expert for about 24 hours then the info just vanishes. Does that happen to you? Lots of knowledge just passes through, stops and has a look around & then packs up and goes.

Kind of like some men around me. Is he for me? will he suit ? or is he a passing thing. I'm not trying. Went to a BBQ on the weekend at a backyard in Bondi. Lots of lovely people to talk to, all women of course, but the birthday boy was someone I was encouraged to flirt with. A long term bachelor, aged 42 or so, slim, interesting, funny etc.

I went into his apartment to use the bathroom. It was such an early 20's home. Bits of furniture, emphasis on the TV and music. Broken door handles, broken towel rails. At least it was clean.

Back to the small backyard I looked around at this friends. They are all 'cool' but old. 40 yr olds in pigtails, cowboy hats & checked shirts. Men with chain store surfing clothes. Not just only seeing people via their clothes but they also looked around & at you like it was a nightclub, not the easy mixing backyard BBQ that it was. Talking to these people was like trying to show how cool you are... too much effort !

I don't want to be cool. Being cool is not fun, it takes the silliness out of life. I like being a dag sometimes - like seeing old 80's bands at workers clubs, I like being nice to wait staff & smiling at people with dogs or babies. But I'm not a push-over. I know where the best parking spots are in the city, I know how to be firm with tele-sales people. I know that Toto's 'Rosanna' is a great song to dance to on the iPod when drunk.

So the birthday boy was trying to be cool and youthful. He's 42, that's not cool to me. Cool is too restrictive & beside, it's more fun to be a dag.

here but in a different way

I'm on the edge of a new job....so completely different from my other it's hard to think. Currently I work for myself & have done for 6 years, I also run a fashion shop. The store will continue but the other things will have to be ditched.

I'm preparing three presentations on strategic marketing for an experiential marketing company. I'm the expert on interactive & Web 2.0 media marketing. Thanks to my interest in blogging, wikis, mobile phones and eBay, I've managed to become a semi-expert. The presentations are this week. It's been a 2 month process and it's right there...the opportunity to shift my life completely. There is nothing like a job to change your life. Relationships can happen within moments and then disapear with a cracking thud to the heart. Jobs are much more permanent. Hard to acquire, hard to know if they're right by oh so satisfying when it's good.

Right now, the man is impossible, the job is the nearest thing to any long-term satisfaction..or in marketing speak, 'long-term engagement' ... so I'm getting engaged to a job. I just need to be proposed to.

Heat, sunshine and phones

Public Holiday long weekends are a glorious thing, especially when the heat arrives, the breeze is warm & you start looking for your cossie and sunblock.

I'm off to Bondi shortly, to lie in the park with friends, have an impromptu picnic lunch, maybe face the early spring water temperature...it's so tempting, the thought of spring's first ocean swim. The cold, the salt, the invigoration of water, sun and wind as you get out. Then real hunger kicks in & you can eat sausage sandwiches and lamb chops with gusto, followed by dripping slices of watermelon.

It's been a week of confrontations, both personally and with the mobile phone company ( did I tell you I hate 3 mobile? ) Finally I have a phone, well I have a camera that doubles as a phone (the Nokia N95) I am in love with it. Just need a wrist strap to help lash it to me so won't loose this.

Being back in communication land is a relief. I found 2 messages and 5 voice mails on my system. One text from a friend on holiday in Namibia. He's an old friend and we've been catching up for dinners. He chastised me for not responding to his holiday emails...those group emails ppl send to 'undisclosed list' when on an adventure.

But all I can think of is the breakfast job interview tomorrow. It represents the changes I've been going through this year, moving from fashion back to IT, discovering what I know, talking about new ideas with different people. Thinking of having steady paid employment is extremely attractive.

There's a sense of excitement. Jobs, summer, swimming & a new phone. I have that sense of restlessness you get just before a new school year. You look forward to your friends, the learning...not so much the homework, but the community of working life.