I don't know anymore

Louise and I were talking about her latest...she likes him despite herself, he's not as good looking as she likes, he's not as well dressed, but he's intelligent, kind and a good root. Her thing is she's not looking to get married, it's only 1.5 years since the separation and it's just time to have fun.

As she talked more, it appeared she is going to find it hard to say goodbye to him, he's leaving for another state. "Do you really like him?" 'I do, but" we both sat there, mouths moved to say something, eyes blinking just a bit too hard. There was no absolute answer. Any definite statement felt wrong.

"I don't know anymore" she said.

We can no longer convince ourselves about someone, no longer interested in taking a position. In one way its about backing a non- outcome. Hopes are not pinned to anything.

I do know one thing. I can't settle. It's has to feel like I'd change my life for this person. Like my new dog, Calypso. She's just sweet and naughty and cuddly and she's worth being a dog owner. I really have the best dog. Can't believe how easy it's been to have her around. That's how it should feel.