Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Avoiding superficiality

I'm falling into the superficial conversation trap. Why do I have such great discussions with my female friends, ranging from issues on The West Wing, diatribes on best bakeries to life, the universe and rabbits: when I talk to blokes it so banal. so boring. Its all so nice. When I try to deepen the conversation..their eyes glaze over..conversation comes to a grinding halt, like talking to a mule. So you try to stick to conversations they are excited about... sports, holiday plans and whatever is their current passion. I accepted long ago you are rarely asked questions about your life. More evolved men will ask, socialised ones will too. I think it's just polite to have a bit of to & fro with conversations.

back to superficial.

I saw The Coach last night for easy meal in Chinatown. We both picked better this time and really enjoyed the fragrant meals while the rain poured down outside. (does is rain everywhere in April?) he's really sweet, has lovely sparkly eyes (probably because he doens't drink) but all we talked about was work. Which is a valid part of any conversation, but not all of it.

So I'm trying to stop this pattern of being superficial in conversation. I want it to deepen without resorting to 'twenty questions' style or asking any 'where is this going' demands.

Starting with 'can I ask you something personal...?" as the entry to these ideas.

  • In the last 5 yrs of your work what are you most proud of?
  • What made your last relationship good, was it similar interests or such ?
  • What qualities do you like in a woman ? that's she's similar or different in which ways?
  • Where would you like to be in 5 yrs time both professionally and personally.
  • Are you a dog or cat person?
  • What's your favourite pizza toping?
  • Tell me something naughty you did as a child.
  • When you're cleaning the house, do you sometimes start singing 'whistle while you work' ?
  • What should we name our first born ? (only kidding!)

I've learnt from the Catalyst show that doing something exciting, adrenaline producing, does bring you closer together. I find some conversations can be exciting in this way too. let's see if I have the guts to go deeper.


Anonymous said...

Hello Cat

I like your questions. Especially the pizza one - as often people will share pizzas its important that toppings are compatable. haha. no -seriously though - I am loving your blog.

I have to say - at least you are getting dates. I hit a new low last week when I was out with some friends - walking up Rundle St - some random guys made a comment about how attractive my friend was - I turned to see who had said it and the reply was "not you, you friend" . Woah. Thank god for gin and tonics that can chase a comment like THAT.

Cat's Experiment said...

oh! I hate that...boof-headed blokes with no class.

I highly recommend 'champagne therapy' or 'G&T therapy' in your case. Alcohol has a lot to answer for...and be grateful for.

just keep going hun...

k said...

arg- anon, that's horrible! I'm sorry to hear that. What I've noticed though is that my friends look nothing like me and some guys are attracted to me, others to them. Just the way it goes.

Interesting questions for sure.
One I was once asked and now love it is: What makes you smile.
I find that usually it intices a smile on the 'date' and memories pour out adding to a decent conversation.
I think everyone should just add questions, cause I hate that too. I find that no matter how intelligent and how social you are, those blanks to happen in conversation. I can carry on conversation for up to 4 people (I talk... a lot), yet those blanks happen a ton in dates.
Anyone else have any more questions to ask?
I'm curious...