Profiling for a mate

When you list yourself on a dating site or attend relationship -finding events, you're generally asked what you are looking for. By being specific you think you'll get exactly what you ask for... tall, educated, well dressed, likes Duran Duran etc. Some profile questions you can be relaxed about..

Here's what I go through when selecting

• Age: 37- 43 (don't like them younger, dont' want them that much older)
• Height: at least 5ft 9in (I'm 5ft 6.5)
• Education: university level ( I have a bachelor and post graduate)
• Music: must like 80's
• Smoke: no
• Drinks: yes. (excessive drinking is no longer attractive !)
• Food: meat, yes. (no vegetarians)
• Body type: medium, fit, athletic (no fatties, no man boobs)
• Ethnicity: caucasian. (Been through the Italian/ French/ Argentanian stages.. not interested, not even English/ scottish/ irish guys. I like aussie blokes.)
• Star sign: virgo, libra, leo are best. dont like sag or cap & aqua' are weird. everything else is fine. cancer can be sulky.
• Dressing: hate sports sunglasses, those velcro-walking sandals, rugby jumpers except at the game. everything else can be changed.
• Relationships: would prefer a not married/no children background, but divorced is okay and so is' has kids but with the mother mostly' is okay. (I'm softening)
• Political: has views, but not too radical or too right.
• Religion: christian. (to be honest it's easier they are same, would prefer catholic, but any christian will do)
• Sport: must like exercising. If he's a swimmer, even better. Not a soccer, AFL or rugby league fan. More off the couch than on, for sporting interests.

this kind of self-selecting profiling is detrimental, because really I like blokes who are active, interesting, dynamic, well-mannered, nice looking/ well preserved, but not pretty, will try something, not afraid of different foods or cultures and can be taken anywhere & will get along with most people. doesnt' suffer fools and boring people.

and what I've just selected is not necessarily going to help me find what I've just described.

Right now, the bloke I dated the other night wouldn't fit that self-selection..he left school at 15, likes working class sports (soccer and league), is same height as me, is older than I think he is, is wrong star sign, but he's worldly, interesting, dynamic, adventurous, hard working, no kids, and many other things better suited to me, but not profile perfect. Scarily I wouldn't select him based on some criteria, such as education, yet he's top of his field and well respected.

lesson learnt: don't be too worried about self selecting.