Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Words and Actions

I think women are complicated. I'm an easy going version of womanhood, and I mess things up & confuse myself. Imagine what a high maintenance chick is like. They are hard being friends with, let alone date or make a move.

But men are not so complicated. I'm going to highlight the most obvious and quickest way to understand what they are thinking. The trick is not to over complicate this advice. Don't think he is any different from the rest. He's a bloke and they are all the same, really they are. Yours might be more wordy or most sensitive or more blokey..but they all behave towards you in the same fundamental way.

It can be fun to analyse and dissect and ignore or go in denial about what you really think he's thinking. But this is the the measuring stick to use. Here goes..

Look at what he does, not what he says.

hey ? ! that's too simple. I'm not sure what that means..that's one of those tricky couldn't be that easy. How am I supposed to use that ?

Okay I'll say it another way

Action, not words.

Is that easier ? what exactly is action?

Okay here is one of those anecdotes. A friend of mine....(as it always starts) likes this bloke. But he doesn't do anything except every morning & every night he sends her a text message. Just to say hello, or something thoughtful. Ah, how sweet I hear you say. I'd like my bloke to do that.

well... that's all he did, he never organised to see her, was always busy, but would talk about how much he liked her and send text messages.

That, my friends, is emotional torture.

Now another friend (or could be the same one, who knows) also gets sweet messages, but it's directed at her work. He says she is so clever and he's sharing parts of his history with her that he doesn't with others.

She's worried he doesn't say anything direct. But he's always there. He always turns up, gets her a drink, talks to her friends, and organises his life around her commitments.

Now. Here's a quiz. What does the text message man think about my friend? does he really like her ? or the attention.
And what does non-direct man think? does he really like her ? or should she demand some answers ?


words or action?


k said...

text man - if he doesn't committ to a date - he's too busy - with other girls. One of my girlfriends had an entire 'relationship' on text and wondered why nothing came of it... they only ended up getting together for sex - but the texts continued for months... I think of if this way - how many girls is he sending those texts to? How can she be sure that she's the only one?
Be direct with him. Have him show up to only her - and see what she can get out of him - one on one, ONLY. If he still can't be direct, then she should be less available and see how he feels about her having other guys around...

Read: why men love bitches.
Though the title is a bit harsh, the advise is good - just be yourself and don't put too much effort into things in the beginning. Made me laugh reading it!

Anonymous said...

A text is a little gossamer thread of communication that if a person lets it, can entrap, entangle and beguile...and waste time.

Actions speak louder.

The other man mentioned seems to be indicating interest. However until it is explicitly outlined..interest is all it is.

I've seen so many of my friends spend way too much time wondering what it all means.

You're right Cat, actions speak louder than words...but they do need to be clear too. Clear actions speak loudest of all.


Anonymous said...

Text message man could be infatuated but shy? But he'd probably still try to get your friend out on a date once in a while...
The other one sounds lovely, but possibly with bad history? Had a similar case myself with lovely bloke, but as soon as things were to turn slightly more serious (i.e. I actually expected him to turn up), he stopped being around. Anyway, probably still the better try. ;-)