kate bush

at different times of our lives you have motivational songs, 'the wind beneath my wings' will never be one of them.

on my super-fabulous iPod, Kate Bush's Greatest Hits is a regular. 'The man with the child in his eyes' etc. here are some the lyrics going around in my head.

from ....'hounds of love'
Now hounds of love are hunting.
I've always been a coward,
And I don't know what's good for me.

& ''cloudbusting'
Like the sun coming out--
Ooh, I just know that something good is going to happen.
And I don't know when,
But just saying it could even make it happen

must buy her new album Ariel too.

First Day of Filming

It's that moment before you venture into something you've never done before & the first reaction is to run in the opposite direction. What if I.... called and cancelled, stayed at home & turned off my phone? play chicken basically. Today is about facing fears. I was about to have a camera stuck in my face & talk boys & the lack of them in my life, in an extremely public space. A few shots of Rescue Remedy were necessary.

Fashion week started today. My suggestion was to film at this location as it would look good. Several friends were eager to come along and be my 'sex in the city' comrades.

We started in the agency suites, me doing my meet & greet thing with customers, then we focused on the shoes (hurrah! shoes on tv) while I explained I was the 'angelina jolie of shoes' preventing poverty stricken shoe artisans in India from going hungry, by supporting their brand.....I'm so good at making up stories!

Then Julie, the producer's, turn to interview me about my love life, what relationships I've had, if I'm too fussy, what am I looking for and what extreme things I've done to get boys attention...like going to New Zealand , finding out a rugby tour was on & going to the match. As my friend Alison says 'I suggest not explaining away too much about why you are single. People just don't understand that every man that we collectively met from 1986 - 1998 was, in fact, gay. '

Weirdly, no-one was noticing, TV camera crews are completly normal at Fashion Week, which helped me not feel so attention seeking.

The next shot required a bar scene, my girlfriends and champagne. I talked us into the VIP bar, complete with free mini bottles of champers. Having a camera crew is a great way to free-load. By then Suzy, Liz & Amanda had arrived. It was a perfect SITC moment. We were encouraged to talk about our lives & boys. After a few stilted moments we got going & stop noticing the camera.

Was a little wary as I was wired up, big brother style, and would say something silly, but managed to get through another hour of walking around & filming. It was the parting of the seas, moses style, as me & the camera posse walked around the stands.

The filming plan is this. Next Tuesday is a speed date, with the 2 other guinea pigs, while being watched by a body language expert. We will then be analysed by her & told the results. The scheduled airing date is August.

Not quite so terrified now.

looking for Mr Virgo

In a previous post, a recent visit to an astrologer said I would be best suited to an early Virgo. This was because, despite being a Gemini, my Moon is in Virgo. I think I have my eros or psyche in Virgo too.

Here is another example of my obsessive, astro-influenced mind. I went onto RSVP, typed in my preferences & selected only Virgo's. About 20 options came up & strangely I did like 3 of them. Do I contact them & explain why they would be suitable? should I ask for their birth details. I'm not that silly ! but it does play on my mind.

Once the filming is over - there are 4 seperate events - I may used this option. will keep you lot informed.

2 more sleeps

The first filming which involves, background material, seeing me in my current life, before the 'vixen-make-over', is on Wednesday. We all like the before and after shots. I'll be at Fashion Week, chatting, talking fashion, and then my friends arrive for drinks on the balcony of the Overseas Passenger Terminal. The moment is definitely sex in the city, the Sydney version.

Last week was a rush of hair appointments, beauty treatments and exercise. Would you believe I've been getting up at 6;45am, going for a jog & then doing yogic sun salutes: all in the name of panic. Panic that I will look like a heffer. A big bloated aging singleton. If I'm going to frighten myself with my image on telly, it may as well be a little better than my daily vision.

My last screen appearance, in 'Abba, the movie' was aged 10, wearing a blue ballet costume, hair pushed back cockatoo style with ballet head band, and fat belly, while explaining 'why I liked ABBA', which I replied ( and the family hasn't ever forgotten) 'don't know, I just like them'. Was operating on an intuitive basis at an early age.

Leaving the cynicism aside. Which is all good fun & takes the pain out of future disappointment, I am looking forward to the strange things I may say. My habit is to let my brain just spurt forth with its impulses. Ask me a question & I'll tell you the first thing in my brain. I enjoy the vocal creativity this involves & it does lead to memorable moments, & all enjoyable, but I've never been 'on-the-spot' like this.

The idea of this program is a complete challenge & not for aesthetic reasons. It goes back to the shyness, the need to have a few drinks under me, the reason I walk in the opposite direction to the cute boys. Yes, I'm facing fears, changing habits, deliberately, publicly talking to boys & making overt moves to show I like them, despite being the mistress of the subtle move. I'm so subtle most of my friends can't tell if I'm making a move. Time to be obvious, 'cos I 'ain't getting anywhere being secretive.

I will read over any self-help books in my library, perhaps 'why men won't commit' or 'the rules' will give me forgotten advice on flirting I may have neglected.

Famous Gemini's

Nicole Kidman & Kylie Minogue are Australian Gemini's. Nicole is June 20, 1967 & Kylie is 28 May, 1968. I'm June 14, 1967. We are all currently single & have been for a while. I am pegging my love life against theirs, as it could be something astrological that Geminis are in the midst of finding the right person. Therefore I am heartened to know Nicole is engaged to Keith & Kylie is long-term with Olivier. My turn next.

Replacing things

My newest mantra is based on a clothing upgrade. I'm using this to banish the old & find the newer, better man.

It's starts with a wardrobe cleanout. The corporate clothing of 5 years ago is no longer relevant. The ill-fitting barely-worn clothes are also marked. I do believe in investment dressing, having classic pieces with fantastic cost-per-wear memories. But sometimes, the classic just has to go.

My favourite jacket of circa 2000, a seemingly expensive, much worn jacket by Jane Lamberton(melbourne designer) is no longer my life. I need something sharper, cuter, an update on the classic.

An anxious night was spent with the outdated classics sitting in a chinese bag in my bedroom, ready for their last journey to Salvo's. I was grateful for their usage but the cleansing ritual was in motion. Time to go, old things.

Some weeks later at Kirribilli markets, my fingers ran across an exceptional cloth. A black jacket of extraordinary finess. The lining was the tell-tale excitement point. A Paul Smith. (english designer, italian fabric)

I had to let go of the Jane to allow Paul to enter my life. It was a classics upgrade.

Sometimes you don't know why certain actions are taken. But the energy of the wrong clothes were holding back on the new things. I think of this while mulling over why Mr Balcony View has to be purged. I have to let go of him for the better one to enter. Maybe Mr Harbourside, or Mr BeachFront is next ? who knows? but letting go is an unknown step, so I quote ' Toss out theJane & let the Paul in'.

astro reading

With my recently separated best friend, Nicole, we found an astrologer at Rozelle Markets on the weekend. Steve; the astrologer. For $20 he did a chart (which he is emailing) and he went on about our personalities for a while: but what made the price worthwhile ? we got to ask definate questions. And there really is only one to ask...'when will I meet him?' Steve could also recommend good star signs for us. Nicole is an Aries & she was married to a Capricorn. no good. She should find a Taurus, because she has a moon in Taurus & something else as well. She'll meet someone in 15months.

I should be with a Virgo, which I agree with, but an 'early' Virgo. ie. early into the sun sign. I have a moon in Virgo. Best of all, it will happen in 3months! yipee!

Mind you, the last Psychic, Elizabeth, said March 2006. which has come and gone.

There was a song in the early 90s, about meeting that special someone, he could be just around the corner, but if you rush to the corner you wont' meet him, 'cos he's not there yet. (if anyone can remember this song ? it was english, and she spoke the lyrics mostly)

anyhoo, that's how I feel, he's out there, but I just haven't meet him yet. I'm not at that corner yet & neither is he.

next post... how I peg my love life against other famous geminis, like Nicole & Kylie.

various other reasons to freak

In the company of cute men, I opt for the lame duck, the nice one in the corner, the mr chatterbox, the non-alpha. It's a cop-out, as he's the easiest one to talk to & since I'm such a good listener...(I can recall things back to them, remember the track of a wafting story etc) I end up with 2nd best. Probably also because I hide behind my people-liking behaivour. I am too scared to be controversial ! I think John Howard is a good PM! I vote Liberal, because I am one! it's so cool to be a laborite.....actually, I think not.

Going on the TV program Catalyst, will be the impetus I will use to change this behaivour. I will talk to the cute guy, I wont avoid him & will use the strategy/ tactics these scientists have decided are sucessful. We all need a game plan!

Had a super facial today at lunchtime, 15 min gyclolic peel, getting ready for the harsh camera lights, the unflattering angle. All my other 4 friends in attendance (all single, all gorgeous) are eager to know the 'scientific' secrets. ....I'm doing this for the greater good!

Not freaking yet

the thought of TV exposure, my warhol-15-mins, is somewhat surreal. But the topic 'sucess and sex appeal' is what's inspiring me to contribute. I will be 'made-over' using scientific methods into a sex magnet. They want background shots first, my 'before' image, before re-programming me & filming the results.

I'm actually shy, a talking shy person. My friends are the alpha's. They call guys, ask them to events & have them as friends. I just tag along, but the common factor is we are all single, so being alpha is no guarantee. Being shy, talkative & drunk isn't either. Will the scientists provide the answer ?

I'm also a complete blusher. Red neck if you like. Grogblossom appearance. A classic thin skinned, whitey celtic aussie. As the nice Italian man in the cafe said' you're a skippy! " So this heritage skin condition is also on view.

Getting a super facial on Saturday. need to look my best.

And I hope they serve drinks in the midst of all this flirting, I can't do it straight.

A bit more background

Not that I should have to explain myself..! but to make it more interesting for you lot.

Like any single female, I obsess a lot about the current state of my relationships with men. Apart from 'trying to be wise' I just end up pashing boys in pubs, drinking too much red wine & wondering how it really works.

my obsession usually starts with a google search. It used to be a phone book search, a drive by his house & endless hours starting at the back of his head, while taking the bus/ train. I love becoming older & more sophisticated at my juvenile crushes. Google. Now the last boy I googled, had entered a photo comp & had a nice picture of Rushcutter's Bay (in sydney). it was a moolight picture. Two indulgently girly thoughts occured. I made his picture my screen-saver & I imagined pashing him on his balcony.

The state of my obsession is mirrored by my screen-savers. My current is of the Opera House, from the Outdoor Cinema, taken the night I was ALONE & saw Brokeback Mountain. A poignant reminder on the state of my life. So you can guess Mr Balcony View is now over...

Business Cards are also complete obsessed collectors items. The ones you don't want give them away; the ones you like you have to ask for. Only to join the pile of discarded ones in the dusty card box when it's all over. I don't have notches. I have business cards.

The Begining

I've been chosen to appear on a TV show about Flirting. Apparantely there is a scientific study & they need people to test it out. I'm just an ordinary single 38 yr old Sydney girl.

I love flirting. Give me a glass of champagne, good mixture of people & after a few, everyone is beautiful. But maybe I can learn some extra secret? this I will share with you lot.

My issues are also hair/ make-up/ facial hair/ being photographed from the wrong angle, etc.

This blog is going to be about my issues, because

• I'd rather publish my issues annoymously than pay for a therapist
• I would rather bore the cyber world, than spoil an outing with paranoid rantings
• I write great emails, but every now & then my computer crashes and I lose my dead interesting email library.
• I used to post on the Vogue Australia forum, but it's getting quite boring. I refuse to response to postings when clearly they could call the store & get the price themselves.
• I need to obsess about something!
• It may help