mr touche

Meet him at the Clock Hotel in Surry Hills for a drink, he has all his limbs, full head of hair, and probably told the truth about his age (41) . So many people on RSVP lie about their age, especially as they get older.

Got chatting easily & stayed for a few drinks. I'm over over-thinking about the situation, so just decieded to just take the evening as it comes. A chance to meet someone & chat about being single & using vile on-line systems for dating.

Single men, as I've seen so many times on 'queer eye for the straight guy' get into a rut, they don't update their image, in both hair & clothing & get all freaked about being on a date. You think by 30 or so, men would get the fact they need to take care of themselves. Women are much better at that. My single chick friends are all gorgeous, beautifully groomed, know the latest places to go etc, whereas the men of our age are still in clothes from last century.

It was just nice to be out with a male, get to know someone & try some flirting. I can't say what will happen, but it was better than staying at home.

This sunday is the final final filming for Catalyst. 10am in the mountains for abseiling. I've asked Mr Touche to join me: as car trips can be good for getting to know someone, plus good to do day stuff, not just meet in bars & drink.

practical blind date

Meeting MrTouche for a date tonight. Meet him on line last week & decided to meet tonight. He used to be a Pentathete, so he can fence & ride horses. I asked him to speak the french bits in fencing, very posh, very attractive in a man.

will have to go home & scrub up. went to yoga at lunch to stop focusing on the date. it worked, now look like a oily-haired lunatic.

for the astro-fiends, I already know his birthday(I work fast! ) & have looked up various guides on that. he's a Gemini, like me, but has lots of cancer in his sign (my ascendent is cancer). all that crap will sit on the back of my mind, but the trick is I JUST HAVE TO MET HIM FIRST. quite simple really.

monday night filming

It was to be the final filming night, the conclusion to all our flirting attempts told to Paul & Gabrielle, the hosts. Unfortunately Management think there is not enough 'science' in the show & want the fear/ adrenaline angle explored more. So we are going abseiling....it was to be skydiving, quelle relief on that.

Sunday morning heading to the Blue Mountains. Apparantely the morning light is better for filming. What time will I have to wake-up ? damn! going to a Canada Day party the night before. Luckily I know where the best coffee/ bakery is in Leura.

packing beenie, gloves & cashmere. oh dear.

rsvp date this week

I haven't 'kissed' anyone on RSVP. I've just left it to chance. Sure there are some odd balls & those that I don't' consider my 'ideal' but I'm only after one person, not a tribe. Two people caught my eye. I had to decide who to use my last email stamp on. The stamp was a birthday present from the web site & expired 7 days after receiving. At the final hour I choose to respond to the 6ft, sporty boy in the blue business shirt. In his profile he talked of visiting many developing countries & wanting to give something back. A noble enough thought that triggered my interest.

After a few emails, he texted to ask if it was okay to call me in the afternoon. nice! . We talked for half an hour & decided Wednesday was good for a date. It's all in the meeting, the actuality of presence. No use getting excited about a phone call. When I meet him, it's either yes or no. I jokingly said to him, that if I went to the bathroom & didn't come back, then I had used the old 'escaped from bad date' routine.

I'm so pleased to be nonchalant about this style of dating. You just accept the situation for what it it, a valid way to meet someone, and if they are creepy, just don't' see them again.

back there again

Went back on RSVP. I need something to be compulsive about!

the first 6 replies have come thru. not interested in someone from 100kms away. And they are all so much older. Nor am I interested in being a step-mother? yuck!

chopping vegetables therapy

I called MrTypeA-SuperFit on Sunday. I'd had enough of the anxiety of no-contact. I like to close things off, a bit like cornering Mr Balcony View at his party. My birthday was on Wednesday & what good is a bloke in your life if you don't get acknowledgment at least.

I had a feeling he was backing-off. So I called, went to voice mail. The text reply asked if I wanted to catch-up on Wednesday as he was off to Perth & he has just sent an email. Of course I drove straight to work & turned on the computer.

It was a long email, saying he was still sick, but mostly he was 'freaked out' at going on a date. His marriage breakup was still affecting him & he wanted to stay free & 'go wild' so wouldn't be a great boyfriend, at the moment. There were lots of lovely things too.

feels like crap everytime.

It was sunday afternoon, time to chop vegetables. The pots were on the stove, the knives were ready. The carrots, leaks, potatoes & other vegies were all chopped fast & loudly. It was two soup therapy time. Smells of garlic, beans, stock, herbs & the iPod of cheesy music were all helping. There is nothing like spliting a carrot & chopping it roughly as you ponder your love life.

You know, it's such a timing thing, as my iPod randomly played 'Don't go breaking my Heart' by Elton John & Kiki Dee., I sang along & just had to laugh. Romantic break-ups can be corny.

soup anyone?

good time theory

Was talking to Joelle, our lovely shop manager, about her big night with the ex-boyfriend & why it was so much fun. Have you had one of those great nights with an ex ? especially when they are flying out/ moving somewhere else that week ? or ones who just fly in for a quick visit ? You have these fun, long, deep, nights. Where everything is discussed, compliments are traded, the world becomes expansive & you feel connected to someone again. Yet, they are not going to be around/ it didn't work etc. Why are those nights so great?

because you didn't expect anything. Future needs & concerns are put aside and replaced with pure enjoyment. It's a 'living-in-the-now' style evening. You are just focused on the good parts, the fun times & you remember why you liked them so much, because you've taken away the questioning. The constant assesment of being with someone is void. You've already decieded they are 'not-right' / 'going-away' and all you have left is the good bits.

I've been reading 'the power of now', besides being recommended by Oprah, is about focusing on the present, as this is the only reality. When you have moments of intensity, where thoughts of past & future are non-existence, is when you are 'in the now'.

So the fun night you had with an ex/ a non-potential, is because you don't place future expectations on the event. you just have fun & leave it at that, knowing that is all there is.

nowhere land theories

Back in neutral space again. Back to questioning everything! ...and back to one of my favourite theories..

that...there has never been a generation of women like us, ever, in the history of the world. Specifically Gen X, those born 1963 - 1975. First World women, like me (like you! ) currently have the most freedom in education, media, finance, politics, our lives, like no other generation that has gone before.

We have all of this, and although there is still progress to be made in terms of representation of women in corporate, political & financial worlds, we can still have education at any level, have 5 credit cards, purchase cars, homes, loans, live by ourselves, have boyfriends, get married, divorced, stay single .... and mostly we have the blessing of the world around us. Any negativity is either cultural, personal or subjective; because we can do more things than any other generation before us.

For example, in the 1970's my divorced solicitor aunt, could not get a home loan. In loans terms she is employed and well able to service her mortgage, especially as a lawyer, but banks didn't loan to single women. How amazing is that? Here I am in 2006, with a no-document home loan (of staggering proportions! )

With this idea in mind, I try to understand why life doesn't go our way. It's not about trying to be grateful for our situation, but when you are the trail blazers, certain issues are created.

I see history viewing us in years to come. The issues of our day. People marrying later, having children later, or none. Single groups are replacing families, and meeting someone.....the biggest issue of all ! Now it can be done on-line, via instant messenger, speed dating, singles parties, computer matches. We can find romantic love via a processor chip.

Putting myself in this 'brave new world' of women's freedom & trying to understand why I still dont have a (decent) boyfriend, is a constant conundrum. my own theory of relativity to be solved,.. cat's theory.

final catalyst

filming continues! monday 26th is the final filming event. It's about showing progress. How far we have come in our skills & if the advice worked. I'll be required to relate the story of the party, how MrTASF (typeA-superfit) & I met & flirted, until he said' you are the best flirt in the world', which made my night & is a nice finish to the story.

They've asked me to bring him along. Who knows what our situation will be then...? in contact or not? dosen't matter. I have a great story to tell & It will be good for TV.

There is no scheduled airing date...sometime in August they say.

A Chick's weekend

A Monday long weekend prompted a visit to the beach house at MacMasters, 1.5 hours north of Sydney. Friday, when we left, was miserable. It was a wet cold week & the weekend looked just the same. We arrived with plenty of red wine, ugg boots, blankets, hot water bottles, magazines & the lap-top at 1: 30am, Went to Split Enz that night & left at midnight after the concert; perfect for traffic avoidance.

Nicole was my passenger, with Liz, Tanya, Sally, Suzy & Liz's son as weekend companions. The first bottle of red was opened at 2am on Friday night when we arrived. An auspicious start.

Saturday morning, set up the lap-top on glorious dial-up connection, (the speed is appalling !) which only added to the hilarity of the activities we had on-line. Nicole's obsession with ebay & RSVP was the activity-de-jour. We soon learnt of her preferences (tall men, anglos or french please, no tatts & a scent preference of 'eau savage') Nicole would shriek everytime she found someone desirable (this started at 9am on saturday morning) and we would rush to the screen and inspect the description/ photo gallery/ star sign & height details. Her list of favourites was soon building.

Liz was next. Her star sign preference is Aries, so we did a seach & found someone for her. Her lack of RSVP account was soon remedied with our instant skills at creating her RSVP profile, complete with photo images from our trip to The Door. (where she glowed with health)

Sally, dubbed, Sally the wise, was our fairy godmother in advising us of the pitfalls of arriving on RSVP. She was subjected to 800 responses in her first weeks on-line. As an attractive witty blonde whose true interests are rugby & cars, backed up a realistic smiling photo, it was enough to test her email deleting skills & the RSVP system.

The tone for the weekend was set, we talked flirting, dating histories, younger vs older men, baggage issues (only one small piece allowed, say Nicole) star sign preferences, & my current status with MrTASF & how I should handle it.

As Sally started telling boarding school stories, from the time she was a boarding house teacher at a private boy's school, we started drilling her about younger men. "they all like older women & are more interested than you think' she said. We sipped wine & leaned in for more. "just be yourself & be relaxed" she continued "but also don't be impressed, especially with cars & achievements, be a bit mean. " It reminded me of my mother & the fridge. Mum has just got a new fridge, because she spent the last 12 months complaining about the dents from the removalists. Finally Dad relented, and has impressed her with a double-door/ water cooling/ wine pocket super fridge. Sally mother was equally unimpressed with her to-be -husband's sport car & good looks.

After talking so much of men, it was time to visit the Avoca Beach Hotel to watch the rugby. Australia vs. England. The car park was full of ute's and tradies vans. The all chicks weekend posse had arrived. The initial hype of being in male company was diverted once we started watching the rugby. The on-screen action was too good. Mortlock's kiss to Larkham, after the try was the highlight.

The final day was bright and sunny. Time for walks on the beach and more RSVP work. By now the duplication of the men's entries were having us in stitches. How many like the 'shawshank redemption', have read' the da vinci code' like 'walking on the beach' and 'drinking red' ? about 80% of them. Sally suggested starting a rsvp make-over company to teach them how to have 1. a good photo with no sunnies or action shots. & 2. an original list of activities.

So the final advice was, I shouldn't call MrTASF. I will be 'busy but happy' when he calls & I might have some time to see him, but only if the invite is good. If he doesn't call, then, sorry, he's not interested. This is the game, it's just how it works & you play it to get results. No more pity stories. over them.

And quite honestly, I am happy, I have such great friends. We laughed all weekend. Sally's sage advice was delivered with humour & experience, Tanya's sweet but saucy email to a potential was totally left field, but we are all dying to try the same!, Suzy's affectionate nature reminds us all of touching and hugging our friends and Liz's mesmersing confidence as she relayed stories of adoring men had us in awe.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I looked at the full moon last night from the beach & felt it was a time for change. good change. I am me & I'm happy.

over it

I am over thinking too much about relationships. And trying to explain where it's at, how it's going, what you've been doing in one. I attempt explaining what is happening, that I met this guy, I've been out once, and nothing has happened since, that was 8 days ago. I just can't be bothered explaining.

What can be the magical explaination to this ?...I went on a date, and now nothing. For instance, lots of new phrases are borrowed from other industries. Remember 'drill-down' & 'forensic analysis' all borrowed from science or mining..? Can I borrow the lingo of another industry to give a status report on whatever is happening, without evoking sympathy/ empathy/ pity/ emotions in general? I'ts a situation 57, 1 date, 15 text messages & now he's sick or Shared Food, alchohol & saliva: waiting for toxicity report before continuing.

MrTASF is unwell, so haven't seen him since the date night, 8 days ago. I was away for 3 nights myself, but it feels like it's completely slowed down - a 'go-slow' I just have no energy to put into explaining this, nor do I want to ruminate on the small details thus trying to extract some status on the relationship. I emailed twice & asked him out, but he is sick, so I'm just going to leave it.

This weekend is chick's weekend at the beach house. No-one has any males to bring & we are all happy in our own ways. We will eat chocolate, look like a mess, have magazines and nailpolish everywhere & the toilet seat will remain down.

that monday feeling

it's a rainy cold 5th day of winter. Yesterday I was in QLD sunning myself by the pool while Nicole was having a massage. It was her 'recently seperated' 3 day holiday to Coolum treat.

Sunday morning I cycled to the beach at Coolum, walked through the forest to emerge at the beach, it was a bright sunny 25deg. I felt truly lucky. Things are moving in the right direction. I feel I've broken a few cycles & life will be different.

But bloody men still confuse me. I don't know whether to be 'hands-off' or 'friendly and chatty'. Should I follow the rule of scarcity? dissapear, be really busy, etc ? My mind is throwing me all the history of my wrong moves. how it all ends in 3 weeks, which means I have 13 days left before he says, 'it aint' working' maybe I'll just go underground & come back in 13 days. I just have to 'not care'. Sorry boys, but I have to let you do all the work at the beginning. It's your job. I will be nice later, but only if you stick around. Meanwhile ....it's freezing! I have to go to hot yoga to warm up !

Loosening up. Catalyst cont.

In the scientific quest to make me a better flirt, it was concluded I was too stiff, upright & lady-like. So a private Lambada class was organised. I had vague ideas of what this meant, but when the instructor explained it was the sexiest dance, with the closest body contact & lots of heavy breathing, I was a little concerned. It was the mid-afternoon, the first day of winter in an empty dance studio. Not sexy.

The teacher was great, he understood the concept, came up with a little routine, which wasn't too scary & we practised that for the hour while the camera crew filmed. I tried a few saucy faces, wiggled my hips & found it all good fun. Dr Gabrielle would be proud.

I also escaped other scientific methods of improving my flirting. The other two participants, were given a hair-cut & clothing make-over (goatee removal), personal developement classes in learning how not to talk about yourself, plus use of hands while talking (his hands signalled he was pushing them away) & another match making system based on asking many questions.

After months of research and filming, the producer, Julie, has concluded that finding the right person is complex. We make decisions based on biology & smells that we are vaguely aware of, then social and cultural issues, and then when you meet the right person, it's all really easy. For example meeting MrTASF, he saw, he liked, I liked. I flirted, simple.

there is one more filming event where we all get together & show our new selves.

A Date!

All that anxiety! all of those wasted thoughts of rejection! Wednesday night MrTASF texts - 'still on for dinner?', we text a few times & then he calls. 'why didn't you answer my email?", 'what email?" 'the one I sent on Tues?" .....so he did send a email, even though I didn't response he kept trying...love it.

We talked for 2 hours, just like some teenage phone fest. I asked him for his birthday, he understands my astro fetish & also reads the same astro pages (mystic medusa in the Australian) Finally I had to go to sleep. He then called 10mins after that. I switched my phone to silent & discovered 2 more lovely texts the next day. He's a maniac!

Dinner ended up at Macleay St Bistro (the last of the BYO's !) where we held hands at the end. So corny, so right.

that's all I'll say about the date. you get the picture.